If Ever There Is Tomorrow

7 Weeks!

2012-02-09T08:54:00.002-06:00

You may have seen on the Facebook, but we finally figured out why Max was screaming at us for hours on end in the evenings -- and figured it out pretty much by accident too. He wants to go to bed between 6 and 7 pm. And if he sleeps like crap during the day (such as yesterday), he wants to go to bed even earlier.

It was nice to figure it out and I have no problem with him going to bed that early, but I would like to get him to nap during the day too. Yesterday, he did terrible with that and it was really hard by the end of the day. All I need during the day is like an hour of no baby to recharge my batteries. We don't always get that, but I try. Coffee is a dear friend these days. But, in any case, he does go to bed between 6 and 7 and wakes up usually between 9 and 10 to eat and again sometime between 2 and 4. And up for the day again between 6 and 7. I can handle that. Also, we moved him down to his crib, because he is the loudest little thing ever -- much louder than Ryan was. So, sleep is better for every one.

He still has troubles with the gas though. and I am convinced that he does not like his cloth diapers, which is really an issue. I think they cut into his tummy and who likes to wear tight pants/diapers when you have a tummy ache from gas or are all bloated? NOBODY.

So, I'm not really sure what to do for him there. Because we have a million bum genius diapers and I want to use them. But, some of his favorite time during the day is when he gets to lay on the couch with no pants/diaper on. Maybe I'm just reinforcing it. Dang it. Oh well. He cries, so I should probably go rescue him.

Also, I just figured out why my latest posts are one big run-on post. I should go back and edit those. I have sewing to do first. And before that, I have to figure out how to get my baby to actually take naps again during the day. Ugh! :)

1 Month!

2012-01-21T21:01:00.002-06:00

And the first month has FLOWN by. Wow. I am SO looking forward to this next month -- the fussiness should start to die down (and granted: it's not been as bad as Ryan, but still...yikes) and we will start to get smiles and such. Definitely looking forward to real smiles, because he has the BEST smile -- I've seen it while he's been sleeping. Two dimples on this one. And those chubby little cheeks! :) However, the fussy has been just yuck to deal with, because he's such a quiet baby otherwise -- makes the fussy seem that much worse somehow. He gets so much extra gas from being fussy and the cycle just continues. I have discovered in the past couple of days that being up for an hour is about his limit before he starts to lose his shit. Two hours -- forget about it. Done-zo. Went through that last night -- SCREAMING at me for a couple of hours. Then -- falls asleep for the night, pretty much. Of course, by 5am, he's got gas from screaming the night before and he is SOOOOO noisy. Much louder than Ryan boy was. He's growing like a weed though -- his next appt is on Monday and I am fully expecting him to weigh 10 lbs. Not sure on the inches, but I'm thinking close to 21 or 21.5. He has grown a TON! He's huge to us, but still "tiny" to everyone else, I'm sure. hahaRyan started to potty train this week. It is going pretty well at daycare and ok at home -- but, he is having troubles with #2 now, and that is sort of derailing things at home here. We might have to do a suppository tomorrow, just to get him on track again, which I feel terrible about. Poor kid. But, it is going pretty well, so we just need to keep going. It's hard with a baby -- it's just CONSTANT thinking. But, we are tired of both fighting him to be changed AND washing a million diapers. So, we forge ahead. I was planning on starting to work out again today, but I don't have the energy today. Hopefully, tomorrow I can start. I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight and now I would like to try to get down under 200. That's probably the goal for the rest of the year, considering that is a 20 pound goal. I haven't decided if I am going to try Weight Watchers again or not. Will have to think about it. Am definitely going to start the Shred with Weights very soon. That should kill 5 pounds easy. I also found a detox that I should try, but I'm not sure how safe it is when breastfeeding, so I will probably try and wait on that. I definitely hope that by the end of 2012, I will be under 200. That is the goal for sure. Finally, I'm saying it out loud -- I don't know when, but we will probably try and do this again -- just to try for the girl. It's a long way off from now, that is certain. We have debt to pay off, a car to pay off and a new house to save for. I'm thinking that's probably a good 3 year process to get to a point where we can comfortably start trying for #3. So, probably 2015? I'll be 36 that year, and that's not a terrible age to end with -- I know people who had their first well after that age. I just want to be fairly debt free AND have money to buy a house to hold everyone comfortably. Right now -- not so much. We have to clean out the house and move the whole works around just to make it comfy for everyone. If you check my Pintrest, you can see me trying to figure out the best config for moving the boys upstairs and ourselves downstairs. And when that happens: LOVE! I can't wait to have my main floor back! I don't know why we didn't do that in the first place with Ryan, but oh well. Lesson learned!It's been a good first month -- let's keep it rolling!

Same Bat time, same bat channel

2012-01-05T13:16:00.000-06:00

So...I just went back to read about when I gave up on breastfeeding Ryan (or when I started to think it was an issue). Funny enough, it was almost exactly two weeks. Which is when Max started to freak out on a daily basis. Must be the two week growth spurt that I just need to get through OR they just wake up at two weeks and it's hard to manage them. The real difference is that Max is actually better at nursing than Ryan ever was and is more low key, so therefore, he sleeps overnight and actually sleeps during the day. But, same issues: gas, random screaming, pulling off while nursing, etc. etc. etc. The difference is that I'm willing to kick a little ass. (name that movie...)Actually, the difference is that I'm willing to put up with it a bit more. With Ryan, I couldn't even really be alone with him for very long. With Max, it's fine. I just need to get through it. I'm hoping that by next week, we might be through whatever we are going through and things will be better. If not, I'm kind of at a loss. I'm not going to switch to formula because I don't think that's the big answer this time. I think that I'm overproducing and I just need to work around that. I did pump off about a 1/4 of an oz. before feeding him overnight and that seemed to work better so I think that might be the answer -- but, again, he's nursing for comfort, which is putting more foremilk into his tummy and that's not helping at all. that's not to say that I'm not getting extremely frustrated by 8pm every night this week. This is compounded by the fact that I'm probably heading for Zoloft town eventually. I can feel the weird, random thoughts of anger starting already. Actually, those didn't really go away while I was pregnant -- I just dealt with it, frankly. I think that's why I had such a hard time being pregnant this time. But, I dealt with it, because I was having a girl and I could be done. And then I had Max. And now: I should probably go back to my GP again and discuss because I have a whole ton of feelings that are bad about most of this. Okay, he was crying and now he's sleeping. He's been up for a quite a while, so he needs to sleep. I'm thinking that he'll wake up about 2 to eat one more time and then sleep until 5ish. That seems to be our pattern this week. And you know -- I don't really care if he's up and down during the day as long as he can get some good sleep at night for me. Like, for instance, last night -- he was kind of crazy with eating and screamies all evening and Jake and I took turns with him -- but by 10pm, he finally ate good and then slept until 2:30 am. Then, he ate really quick and was back to sleep by 3 am until 5:30. Then, was back down by 6am, and was sort of up for a bit but then we both got to sleep until 8:30. I prefer that to like the day before -- it was asleep by 11, up at 1:30, 4:30 and 6. It's a process. Like I have said, I like them better as toddlers than babies. haha. Actually, that's not totally true -- I like babies too. Just not newborns.

Happy 2012!

2012-01-01T16:24:00.000-06:00

As always, I like to see what I wanted to accomplish for 2011 and see how I did. Here's what I wanted to do: So, for 2011! 1. Finish paying off the credit cards (I think this can be done by the end of summer, for sure)2. Start paying off the mortgage, so we have real equity in the house. We refinanced this year and lost most of it to closing costs. But, without credit card payments, we can start dumping an extra $400/month onto the house. That way, when we get ready to sell in the next few years, we will be able to buy another house. 3. Start saving an emergency fund of being able to pay bills for 3 months. Which is about $5000, I think. We'll start there. 4. Get pregnant with #2 (#4)5. Lose another 10 pounds6. Finish some of the craft projects that I have lying around (and there are MANY!)So...how did I do? 1. No. Not even close. Got really, really out of control this year, in fact. So, back to stricter living next year and get back on track for 2012. We REALLY need to get these cards paid off. 2. Again, nothing here. 3. Fail4. Okay, this is the only thing that we managed to do! I did get pregnant, it was textbook -- well, for me -- and we were having a girl. Then 2011 punched me in the face and ran away laughing when Max was born on Dec 20th. So, now I get to decide if I am really done. Dammit. 5. Actually, it didn't happen, but I didn't gain a whole of weight either while pregnant with Max. I have already lost 15 lbs and I'm only 5 lbs away from pre-pregnancy weight. 6. I didn't get to do this, but I did sort through my projects to try to get rid of some stuff. I don't know if I will have a garage sale or a Goodwill run, but something will happen with it. I added a bunch of new projects with Max. So, what's the goals for 2012? 1. Pay down the credit cards under $1000.00. Seriously. That is my biggest goal this year. I want to follow the principles of Dave Ramsey and the "Snowball" debt pay off theory. Pay the minimum on the rest and pay off the one that is the smallest (I think -- I'd have to review) and the take that payment and apply it to the next one until it's gone. Etc. 2. I don't know if I will try to save anything this year or not -- I'm really going for the payoffs of our major debts this year. Credit cards are the worst, followed by the dang Saturn. 3. Lose 15 - 20 lbs -- I'd like to get back to under 200 lbs. 4. Finish all the construction projects in the house and move the two boys into one room late this year. Max will have to be sleeping through the night for this to work in my mind. So, I'm hoping in the fall, we will be able to do this and move to the bedroom downstairs. 5. Get Ryan to use the regular toilet and get him out of diapers. I think that is sufficient. :) On a separate note, I have to say the following: I love both of my sons and I wouldn't trade either for anything in the world. However...part of me is still mourning the loss of Lily, even if she never really existed. It makes me incredibly sad. All the work we did, all the money we spent so we could have 'girl' stuff. Jake deals with it by cleaning and making it seem like it never happened. I have days where I am fine and days where my brain keeps saying that I was supposed to have a girl, and what the hell happened? How could that doctor have been so fucking wrong? How could that ultrasound tech who checked the previa have said she would guess girl too, without the caviat that saying 'it's a girl' just really means that they can't see any boy parts? And therefore, I have to ask myself: Am I done? Can I do this one more time to see if we have a girl? Do I just leave it up to God and figure that this is what it was supposed to be? Do I want three kids? I'm 32 -- how long do I try to wait? Until I'm 35? Until Max is two and a half? What if it's another boy? The rest of my fam only has two boys each, so would the outcome be different this time? Maybe it's the horomones, but of course this is probably going to be the thing that drives me to drink this time. Oy. Hopefully, 2012 is better than 2011. I didn't like being sick all year and I definitely didn't like the kick to the face at the end of the year, even if I do like the result that is currently sleeping in his swing.

Organizing and other things

2011-10-18T19:49:00.000-05:00

I am on Pintrest, which I have talked about and luuuuurve, but I found this blog yesterday called "I Heart Organzing" -- it's a woman who lives in Baldwin who is a whiz at organizing. Makes me want to re-org the whole house -- and don't get me wrong, it could totally use it! :)

So, right now, I am just reading through her blog and getting ideas for now.

Also, I FINALLY started my baby sewing projects. I am thinking of taking off early on my birthday (next Wed) and coming home and just sewing. I'll post pics somewhere when I am done with them. I have to decide if I really want to or not, because I'm really low on sick time at work and I don't want to use three hours or so if I don't have to, but I don't really want to make up the time either. Too bad we don't get our birthday off at work! LOL

Of course, the reason I started them finally was because Ryan was sick on Sunday and slept for about 3 hours. Lots of free time for Mom and Dad -- Jake put in a window and I sewed. I also cleaned up Lily's room a bit. I really should blog that on the other blog, but either way, it's in writing.

The house is really starting to come together, frankly. We have new windows in the back room and a new one in the bathroom and the one at the top of the stairs. So, 6 to go and they are all at the front of house. Next year for that project. We were told we could get some decorative piano windows for the living room, so we still have to figure that out too -- I think we can probably custom order some from Home Depot. I think that I found some that I like from Andersen, we just have to make sure we can get what we want for a decent price. That will be a Christmas present from Jake's parents for us.

So, I'm starting to think about re-doing Ryan's room. Figure out something for him -- he still has the painting I did close to three years ago now. He could use something more fun, rather than his baby room. Of course, I could just wait, because I think that we are going to have them share the upstairs in the next year or so -- we have to re-do the drywall and fix some things up there first -- and then I want to plan out the room very good so they each have their own space, but they can share play space too. Lots of planning ahead!

Then, I can just paint the downstairs bedroom for us. Lots of planning for that too!

Sounds fun to me! I do like to change it up every one and a while. I'm thinking that in 2 years, we are going to find some new furniture from Ashley and sell this stuff. The hide-a-bed is nice, but we hardly use it AND I would like furniture that is better to sleep on -- this stuff is really narrow. All in due time -- first thing to do is pay off those credit cards and other debts! Just thinking ahead. It's how I roll.

Perspective

2011-10-01T19:02:00.000-05:00

If you would have talked to me on Wednesday, I would have told you how everything in my life seemed really hard. It's hard to work, it's hard to be pregnant again, it's hard to have a two year old, etc. etc. etc. I have been stuck in a rut for a long, long time. I can't tell you exactly when it started, but I do know that it's been a long time. Even before things went topsy-turvy at work last November. You also would have heard how much I dislike living in Milwaukee.

I went to the wedding of someone I haven't seen in over 5 years, but was great friends with. We needed each other at a very hard time and I love her for that. It was so wonderful to see her again and see her HAPPY. It was just me, Jake and Ryan for two days together, traveling the state. Yes, we were tired and cranky, all of us, but it was the best vacation I've had in a long time and I'm looking forward to more in the future years. Even just two days.

So, it gave me a lot of perspective. Such as: I keep saying I miss living in Eau Claire. And we went back and visited for the first time in at least 4 years, if not more. And everything there seems SO different. Like, it's what I remember, but the thing that I remember and loved the most was: the people. And they are gone. So, I guess I missed what it was. And in that realization, I don't miss it. Sure, I miss the peace and quiet of living in a smaller town, but that's possible down here too. But, yet, still possible to take the kids to fun things in the big city.

Work is hard, yes, but it's not everything in life. And, frankly, I have only been there 5 years. That's not forever. I'm 31 (oh, god help me, I just wrote 32...ok, that's in 24 days) and I have tons of time ahead of me. Yes, I would like a career, but I want to do something I love, not something I just happen to be good at. So, if I want, I can do ANYTHING. I just need support from the people close to me, instead of judgement, which I get a lot of. I think that I know of something that I would love to do, but I'm not sure if I can hack the school while working. And I don't know how much money it would really make me. But, if I could hack it, and we get our finances together, maybe it would be possible for me to work a bit less and be home a bit more. I never really wanted a "career" anyway -- I was sincerely hoping that I would be able to stay home like my mom and just CHOOSE to work.

Being pregnant is hard too -- but it's NOT forever. By 2012, I'll be done (I think). I won't have to do it again unless I really want to (not that I HAD to do it this time, but it some ways, I did -- I didn't want Ryan to be the only). And yes, I do remember how difficult a time I had with Ryan when he first arrived, but I do know what I'm doing now, so I feel a bit more confident.

Ryan is just a typical two year old -- they are difficult! haha 'nuf said. I love him to pieces though.

I guess going away this weekend made me realize that things aren't that bad as I thought. Things can always be changed, you know? If I am having trouble and am not happy with the way things are, then they need to change. But, slow change is ok too. I'm just accepting things the way they are a bit more. Because, if they hadn't been this way, I wouldn't have Ryan. I can't imagine things without him.

I always told Jake that if he got an offer from another shop, that we should just go, but that's silly -- he's got a perfectly decent job at a shop that he likes, so why would we do that? The hardest part is that we work opposite directions -- if we both went the same way, we could move that way. So, maybe that is something to think about going forward. But, after this weekend, there is, in my mind, no reason to leave here -- he lucked out and found a job in state and was fortunate to be so good at what he did that he is still there and working repair full time.

I guess my point is this: It's not as bad as my brain was making it out to be. Sure, things suck from time to time -- isn't that how life goes sometimes? So, my focus should really be on getting things ready for my daughter and worry about the rest next year. Yes, easy to say -- hard to put into practice. But, this weekend sure helped.

Oooh....you can tell I've been posting in the other blog

2011-08-20T16:30:00.000-05:00

Jul 23! Oh well.

Been making big plans in my mind. I really want to start swimming again. I just read a blog of someone who got over their depression several years ago by working out. Now, I will never be that hardcore, but I always, always loved to swim. I used to be pretty good at it too. One of my only regrets from HS was not joining the swim team; I wouldn't have gone to State or anything, but I think that I probably would have swum through college. Soccer had bigger priority, which was too bad, because I gave it up after freshman year. I knew I'd never make varsity -- I just didn't care.

But, there is adult only (big word: ADULT ONLY) open swim at Hale on Mondays in the fall -- I assume that the schedule probably won't be different in the spring, but I will double check. The WAWM Rec Dept also has an Adult Swim Fitness class that is more about getting back in shape (I think - I guess I would end up asking someone at the Rec Dept); So, I'm thinking about doing both after the baby. I know that it would be difficult, but at a certain point, I have to start taking care of myself. I know pretty much what caused the depression before -- combo of stress at home, from trying to switch Ryan into a big bed too early, combined with lack of sleep from same issue and stress from work from being down one team member and never being able to catch up. At this point, I don't think that I will need to go back on the zoloft once Lily comes, but I don't want to get to the point where I have no outlet and start channeling into the whole world being too hard for me to deal with. I've been there a few too many times.

So, I think that trying to swim is going to be the key for me. I may even ask Jake to switch which day he stays home during the day OR have Grandma and Grandpa watch the kids for an hour at night. I think I'd end up swimming for a half hour and be done.

We shall see what happens though. I've said this before here -- that I'm going to try swimming again. But, being in this time and this place -- I think that I actually mean it. And since I ended up down the weirdo path I ended up on before getting pregnant, I think that I'll have some support this time. That really was part of the issue too -- there was no support. I felt like I was doing everything alone. I know that I wasn't, but that's how it felt. Poor Jake. :) So, I know that this time, there are people that I can ask for help. Even if it's my daycare lady. She'd help me out for an hour -- I can pay extra! :)

Pintrest

2011-07-23T09:22:00.001-05:00

While I was cleaning out my emails today, I found an invite to Pintrest from Kristine that I never noticed, because I get so much crap mail in my gmail.

Side note: Ryan just picked up one cat dish and emptied into the other. Because it had no food. Now, I'm trying to tell him where to find Mitchell. He doesn't get it.

So, anyway, I joined. I'm not sure I really, truly understand it, but it's a good place to put things where you want to remember them. And since I am always finding things that I want to do, but never having a place for them, it's pretty sweet for me.

As I said on Facebook, I can't wait for Aug 8 to get here. If that lady at the elective ultrasound place hadn't been so frickin weird, I would have gone last weekend. :( And I would know now. I'm still considering that, even thought Jake just thinks I should wait. These last two weeks are going to be painfully slow.

I wish I could just be off until then, but work is work is work. Pays for the car, for the insurance, and for daycare. Oddly enough. But, if I didn't work, we wouldn't survive. Now, if we had no CC, no car payment, no student loans, no mortgage, it would be totally sweet. Such is life. Seems stupid that all my student loans are for a degree I didn't finish and for the end of undergrad. I wish I would have been smarter with money in college. Things wouldn't be so painful now. Hindsight is 20/20. When you lose your direction half way through college, that sort of thing will happen. I should have taken a semester off to figure stuff out and then started again. Again: Hindsight. :)

Oh, well. Things are good the way they are now, too. I just wish my job was a bit more flexible that it is. I don't mind the 9-5 grind all year, but when you are having babies, vacations are scarce, because you are saving all your time for maternity leave. Maybe once we are done with kids (which should be after this one, anyway), we can start to figure out a way that I could work less and be home more. We'll mark this one, future thoughts. I know I talk about it a lot, but it's usually on my mind.

I also need to make a big list of things that absolutely need to be finished before Dec 20 and things that can wait. Like, finish trim in Ryan's room -- necessary, because the trim is sitting in the new nursery. Fixing the windows in the nursery room -- necessary, because the one has a bum screen and the inside window needs to be painted from brick red to white. Anything with the bathroom -- can wait. Well, that's where the test window is going, so that needs to be done. I'm trying to convince Jake to ask Josh to help (and by help, I mean Josh does the work, because Jake is slow) put a fan in the bathroom. But, that is something that can totally wait until next year.

So, that's on the agenda today. I just wish I had some time to take that I could do some of these things. Like, with Ryan, I could take a week off at Christmas time and I got to paint his room and stuff. Now -- we would have to just do it on the weekends. OR...I just don't get paid my first week off. That's always an option too. :)

Edited to say: I have started the tedious process of hiding my older posts. I don't mind them, but nobody who reads now needs to read "The Year of Undiagnosed Depression". :)

So...would this creep you out?

2011-07-19T18:24:00.000-05:00

So, most people who read this (I think) know me from school, right?

I have Google Analytics turned on this blog; there's another blog, that I have never heard of, that has made like 38 referrals to mine and when I try to go onto it to see what the deal is -- because, you know, WTF? -- it's invite only. So, it sort of creeps me out that someone is sending people to my blog and I can't see theirs, to know who they are. I'd send you to it, but it's blocked. I guess I could reference it here and see what happens. Just a little weirded out. Here's the link: Unknown blog So, if anyone knows who this is, feel free to clue me in.

I haven't gotten spam really, so I assume that these are all really peeps.

I have also been thinking about archiving (re: getting rid of) some of the older stuff on here. Not because it's not important to me, but because it's been 5 years. Maybe it's time to let it all go. Part of me is glad that it exists, but I don't want to keep reading about the year that I went crazy and I don't know how much I want to share with people who I don't know.

I've gotten negative comments on here before. Do I want more? Do I care? Not really. They are deletable. Any thoughts on the easiest way to do this? Download my whole blog to my compy and then delete the ones that I don't want showing anymore?

Three day weekend! Going up north for most of it. We'll probably come back in time to see my parents for dinner on Monday evening, I think. So, they can say Happy Birthday to Jake too. :)

Ooooh! Quick story about work: So, there is this lady on my four person team who is the worst kind of co-worker. She is very passive-agressive and she shoots her mouth off a lot. I will call her PAB (passive-agressive bitch); So, because there has been this tradition of nobody really standing up to her in public (our boss gives it to her in private), she just does crap and nobody really says anything. So, she is passing around a sheet, so she can take off July 5th (which means the 3 of us have to balance 4 days with extra work), and nobody cared, because there was nobody else off. I wasn't thinking ahead that far and I just said, mostly to myself, oh, right 4 day weekend. And she started to say something else, something about Christmas and I thought she was teasing me about being off at Christmas time with the new baby. So I said to her, "What's that?" because I didn't hear. And she says the following: "I said that I had to balance everything by myself for three days at Christmas, so I think you will be fine for one day." My jaw just about hit the floor. I guess her memory only extends to stuff she did, because I remember working 12 hours that week and helping her out extra when the other person was sick. Amazing, that PAB. So, I just replied, loud and clear: "Nobody was complaining." I think that I probably sounded shocked, because I was. That she had the audacity to bring that up with me, when I gave up my only vacation time all year pretty much, to work from home. She didn't say much the rest of the morning. The lesson of it all is that if I had known how easy it was to get her to shut up, I would have started a long time ago.

And that's the story of how I accidentally stood up to PAB at work. lol

I only started this 3 weeks ago. Whoops. Better late than never!

A month goes by

2011-06-25T12:21:00.000-05:00

Of course, I've been updating the other blog, so this one has been sort of quiet.

Ryan boy is growing like a weed! He had his two year check up on May 27, but his normal pedi missed it, because she was sick. :( I was said, because it was the last time I would see her before her maternity leave, and I was looking forward to it. So, the visit was brief, but they measured his weight at 26 lbs, 2 oz and 34.5 inches. I didn't have much to ask, because I was really running 40 mins late that day. Ugh! What a stressful day.

So, then, Jake saw her downtown for a children's orchestra concert and talked briefly -- found out that she hadn't had her baby yet and she had really just been sick that day. Yikes! So, I called the office the following Monday and she talked on the phone with me for 15 mins which was really nice of her to do. So, I got most of my questions answered that I thought of after the fact. Oops! Unprepared for my doctor's visit, I guess. haha

Everything is LOOK! LOOK! these days. It's all very, very exciting. Playing cars is fun, watching Yo Gabba Gabba is a big hit these days and everything in between. His language is getting so much clearer, it's amazing. Mama? Mama, what doing? Daddy! LOOK, LOOK! haha

2 year olds are hilarious for the most part. The screaming I could do without. and the tantrums. Oh well. It's all a rich tapestry.

Well, shit, we're here, why not?

2011-05-20T14:52:00.003-05:00

I don't feel the need to wait anymore. What's the point? It will either be fine, or it won't. And you'll be here, for the whole ride!

Part Deux

Happy Weekend!

It's been awhile!

2011-05-02T20:36:00.000-05:00

Oops!

Our vacation to Maryland was fun, but not terribly relaxing. Which is ok. Next time we go, I think that maybe we'll have to just take a couple of days in the city for ourselves. Or something.

Ryan is very much a 2 year old -- very full of mischief and laughter. And emotions and opinions. Mostly the latter. But, he's a very good boy overall. WORTH IT! haha

Nothing new to report around here otherwise. I can't decide if I am tired of my job or not. Lots of things to think about in the next couple of years. One more kid, for sure, then what? I just don't know if I see a future at that job anymore, and it sort of makes me sad. Also, I just don't know if my best is good enough for them. They almost expect me to be perfect and nobody is perfect. I just am unsure. I sure did enjoy not thinking one single thought about work while I was gone. That was awesome.

I just...I didn't enjoy hearing that after I busted my ass working on something all of November and December and weeding my way through the bull crap and coming to a conclusion on everything, that I didn't do it right. I didn't have a choice of what I did. I almost wanted to say that she should have been a better manager last year. She totally buried me and then when I was drowning, she couldn't throw me a ring fast enough, because she has people that she can't rely on, on the rest of the team. It's been better this year, with four of us, but I just don't know if I can trust her anymore and I don't know if I can work for someone that I don't trust.

So, I'm sort of stuck where I am right now. I'm not sure where to go from here. I suppose that we'll have a meeting about it eventually; I just can't decide where to go, what to do. I would like to go back to school, almost, but full time and do something new...or finish accounting and do that.

Lots of things to consider. I'm off to ponder some more.

Round 1...FIGHT!

2011-04-09T20:49:00.000-05:00

So, my HSG was rescheduled for April 27th at 9am; my doctor will actually be there to do the procedure this time. It's the way the rest of the hospitals do this sort of thing. So, he'll be there to shove dye up in me while the radiologist takes a pic. Fun times.

However...

My monitor that I spend mucho dollars on worked as designed. Based on the two peak days I got, I am almost thinking that we have been mistiming this whole business for this whole time. We shall see though. We nailed this month, so if I don't get preggers this time, then I really do feel like there is something else going on.
So, this is sort of like when I was pregnant with Ryan; they will probably give me one due date, but I will know it's slightly later.

I would say that it will be two weeks, but I know that I will test sooner and usually by 10 or 11 days after, if I have negative tests, I assume not preggo.

Historically, that is a pretty solid assumption for me.

I'll keep you posted. :)

Painfully Painful

2011-04-06T20:45:00.000-05:00

You'd think, from the title, that this post is about my HSG that I wasn't having on Friday. But, it's not. Because I didn't have it done. The receptionist spelled it out for the schedulers at West Allis Memorial, but they still didn't get it. So, when I was ready and Radiology was ready, they didn't realize that my doctor was not doing the procedure. So, they sent me home, because nobody could do it. And it was the last possible day that it could have been done.

So...I will have to wait until next month. Unless I am preggers. Then, I will not need it.

Sigh

I don't blame the hospital or my doctor. I blame Humana for cock blocking the entire Wheaton Franciscan hospital network out of their insurance. I am thinking of writing letters to Humana every day and starting a drive for everyone in the greater SE WI area to do the same. It is RIDICULOUS that Humana is carried by some of the area's biggest employers and we can't use one of the biggest hospital networks in the area, all because they don't want to let us. Because they can "be selective/exclusive/whatever/junkyard". If I could have gone to Elmbrook, I think this would have been done last Wednesday and I wouldn't have wasted ANOTHER month.

Anyway, in theory, my EDD would be Dec 25th. Let's all hope for a Christmas Miracle. I am undecided if I will just say something right away on here or not. I probably will. I'll have to blog it. haha Like always. Or, I'll just keep the secret one and open it at 12 weeks.
Well, frankly, if I get sick like I did with Ryan boy, I will admit it right away, because I will assume the best. I'm optimistic like that.

Ryan recovered from the ear infection nicely. I think that the meds really make his tummy hurt though. He's not the same until they are finished. So, now we have a happy, fun little boy back. Too bad Mom and Dad aren't as happy and fun loving right now. We were both very, very cranky today.

So, we ditched AT&T U-Verse for Netflix and the internet, saving about $90 a month. It's sort of boring, but I will probably get more sewing done. I have many stockings to produce. I'm 60% done with Jameson's and then there's Will. Maybe I will be done by Christmas. I have high hopes to be done with Jameson's by the end of May. We shall see.

But, in the likely event that we will have to pay monthly for a "new" car to replace my rapidly aging Camry, this will free up some money. Plus, there is TONS of stuff for Ryan to watch, since he loves to watch shows back to back to back.

So, long story short: HSG around April 27 or 28, unless there is a BFP around April 17.

Let's cross our fingers for the latter. I'd rather not have to have the former done. :)

Secondary

2011-03-29T20:21:00.000-05:00

Why it's secondary, I don't know. But, that's what we're calling it. Just to term it differently than those with primary, I guess.

For all the stories of others that I read, I figured that I still had 6 months to keep trying. But, my doctor doesn't like to screw around, I guess. So, we are proceeding with some testing. Test #1: Hysterosalpingogram (HSG). On Friday. April Fools Day.

Coincidentally: My Dad's 60th Birthday

At least I get a half a day at work.

The most promising thing is this: I have read an ass ton of stories (their anecdotal qualities notwithstanding) about women who get pregnant the same cycle as their HSG. So, I have everything crossed for this promise. Because that would put me due on Dec 26th, which would still be this year. And on Jan 1, I can stop paying for the hugely expensive insurance. And have normal paychecks again.

It is a different path than I thought we would have, but that's ok. I was figuring we would have some extra drugs and some more trying on our own. But, as always, I am ok with that. The only thing that is tough is that my doc does most of his work at Elmbrook Memorial (where I had Ryan boy), but that hospital is not on my insurance anymore...so...West Allis Memorial it is. I really want to stay with him, but I am starting to think that it might just be easier to find a doctor in network that's at West Allis Memorial. I assume that if I just go to a doc at the hospital, I would have easier access to ultrasounds and appts all at the same time, you know? We'll see how the HSG goes and go from there. I do like my doctor and I LOVE that he's not messing around with this, but at the same time, I am all about simplicity and streamlining the process.

or to put it another way: Humana sucks.

My hope is that everything is clear and this procedure clears out my tubes, so maybe we have a chance for the next couple of months.

I'm crossing everything.

The Biggest Question of All

2011-03-24T16:02:00.000-05:00

Honestly: How do I stop following my own blog? Do I really need to know in my Google Reader that I made an update?

I should have looked how long it's been since the last post. Probably a month, because I think my last post was about Zoloft and how awesome it is and if you are still acting unnaturally 4-6 months after birth, you should probably ask a doctor about it.

I write for two reasons today. Reason the first: We are currently living through the 3 ear infection in 4 months. Double one this time. I'm learning the signs very quickly though. His start with a simple cold, which suddenly gets worse and includes a wet cough. Then, fever. Ugh. And something new: Eyes get red. that's the telltale sign for Ryan. His eyes start to turn red -- it's not pink eye, when it's like YIKES! But, it's just very subtle. So, back onto Cefdinir for 10 days, 1 tsp in the morning and 1 tsp at night. Well, breakfast and dinner.

The poor little guy was up so early this morning that he's been in his bed sleeping on and off since noon and it's almost 4. I figure -- 2 hours missed this morning, plus 2 hour regular nap.
I hope he's better when he gets up, because Grandma is coming over to watch him tonight for a couple hours, which brings us to reason the second:

I have a consult with my OBGYN at 5:45pm tonight and Jake is going with. 6 months have passed and I am not pregnant (nor have I gotten pregnant). So, I called, thinking that I could just talk to the doctor about everything, but they made me come in. I'm not totally certain of what will be discussed, but I will say that the last time I had a consult with this doctor, I found myself pregnant quite soon afterward and that pregnancy is the one with the ear infections. So, maybe this will be a good idea, just from a fate perspective. But, my cycles have been a little wonky recently and I want to discuss taking Prometrium in the back half of my cycle, after ovulation, because I have a history of low progesterone. I took it with the last to pregnancies, and while one was doomed from the start, Ryan is here and just the sweetest little boy ever.

I also spent some big bucks on a Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor, to tell me with a higher degree of accuracy when the best time to...you know. haha; I'd rather know what's coming that realizing it after the fact that you're too late. Which is coming from UPS today. And since I don't want to miss it, I couldn't take a four hour nap with Ryan. Which I REALLY could have used.

And the circle of events is complete.

And then I found 5 dollars.

The Magic of the SSRI

2011-02-28T19:43:00.000-06:00

It really does work for me. I'm on a low dose and it's been much, much easier to deal with life in general. Laundry is not so daunting. I don't feel like choking people at work or at home anymore. And trust me, that was at least an every other day thought for a while. Coping with life is much easier. And I feel like I can smile again. I never realized how bad it was until my friend who took another job at my company came back to visit me and have lunch and I could barely muster up the excitement to see her again. I was broken. Very, very broken.

Now? Much better. Bonus side effect: Appetite suppressant. I guess it could be taken as nausea, but I just find myself not needing to eat so much to feel normal or happy or whatever. So, I continue to lose weight. I have lost 14 pounds since September and approx. 20 lbs since last year at this time. I weighed in at 210 this morning and I had topped out around 231 right after the holidays in 2010. And since I have the weight to lose, I don't mind. I'm kind of hoping that I can get back to where I was in college, which was 175. Seems far away that I could get there, but I've lost 15 in the past 6 months, so who's to say I can't keep going?

So, I am happy with both items. I feel normal again and I'm losing the last of the Ryan weight.

On the baby front, that has been a chore at best. Gravida: 3; Para: 1 I'm aiming for Gravida: 4; Para: 2 (heck, let's be bold and aim for Gravida: 4; Para: 3! Haha!). Frankly, in my book of life, one more miscarriage and I will term it RPL and call Ryan a fluke. So, wish us luck in March. I could handle a Thanksgiving baby.

Reconsideration

2011-02-11T11:58:00.000-06:00

So, what was a bad cold for Ryan turned into a second ear infection. His second in three months. He didn't have any for the first 18 months. Which is sort of strange, in its own way. But, it was just a bad cold and when I picked him up from daycare on Wednesday, his left eye was reddish, under the lid. Turns out, this is a sign of an ear infection. As in, the left ear is infected and the infection spread to his eye. Yuck!

So, we are on the good antibiotics now, since he's allergic to the cheap stuff. $30.00 for the 10 day dosage. Without insurance, this would cost $99.99. Woof! One dose and he's already doing WAY better. But, since the eye was included with the infection, he has to be on the drugs for 24 hours before he can go back to daycare. So, I have been home for two days with him, because I can get paid and if Jake doesn't work, he don't get paid.

Being home for the past two days has been fairly easy and made me realize that if I could stay home with him, or if I had to, for whatever reason, I could do it. I don't know if it's the Zoloft finally working it's magic, because I have said many, many times that I could NEVER stay home with him, because I would be so bored. But, with some rest and some deep thoughts, I know that I wouldn't have a problem with it. I could plan trips and projects and take "Mommy and Me" classes and I could, in theory, enroll him in programs that would get him out of the house and into someone else's hands for at least a couple of hours. And I just feel like the house would be better, cleaner and I would be saner. And I could always find something, at some point, that I could do part time. Or, I could go back to school, like I have been wanting to for a while.

So, maybe one of my new goals in the next couple of years is to get to a point where I can stay at home. Of course, by the time that that happens, he will be in school and it won't matter. But, I would like to be in a position to be home for him after school and to take him to school.

I guess it would take careful planning and all that before such a decision. And right now, it's just not feasible. But, maybe....just maybe. I have dreams! :)

Two weeks

2011-02-07T19:36:00.001-06:00

It seems silly to say, but after two weeks of Zoloft, I can already tell the difference. Or maybe, in a way, knowing is the half the battle too.

But, I am far more relaxed than I was, even a week ago, even when I am losing sleep to Ryan illness. The tense, crazy episodes are much less. I'm not getting as upset as I was, which is awesome to me. And, I actually want to do things, instead of nothing. I mean, don't get me wrong, doing nothing is nice sometimes, but not when you have a bunch of laundry and things to do in the house and you have the energy to do: nothing.

The plague of illness continues at our house. I don't think there has been a time since Thanksgiving when someone hasn't had one thing or another. I was sick, then Ryan and Jake were sick, then I was sick again, then Ryan was sick again. And rinse and repeat. Ryan came down with a pretty good cold yesterday -- slight fever, cough, runny nose, watery eyes, the whole nine yards. I feel terrible for him. He went into his bed 15 mins early tonight and he didn't complain too much. I have a feeling I might be up and down tonight however, but that's ok. I will survive.

Yeah Packers! I'm still in that state of "I can't believe they won!". I don't know if it will ever go away. Sometimes, I still have strange reactions to things, so maybe this is just one of those things.

Not too much going on around here otherwise. Very even and quiet lately, which is very nice.

I am totally in love with the new style Fuzzi Bunz! I just bought 7 online and with 15% off, I basically got one for free, which is pretty sweet, if you ask me. I got a free one a couple of weeks back with a laundry detergent order and I tried it -- and it's awesome! The legs adjust and the waist is very adjustable and they are snaps, so they stay on Ryan's skinny butt overnight. I can't wait for my fluffy mail! :) Cloth diapers are the best thing ever, let me tell you. I know that it seems weird, but it is just so very, very easy. Well, it's as easy as you make it, you know?

I really need to sit down and evaluate all of my crafting projects. I have like 20 things in process, but most of them, I don't know what I am going to do with them when I am done. The next on my 'to-do' list are: Finishing Jameson's Christmas stocking, starting and finishing one for Will and starting one for my next child, if I have one this year before Christmas. I've really only got like two more tries this year and then we are into next year. Which is fine. Because then, it's a whole other year before I need to finish. And I can bump something else up in the list. But, I have just had so many ideas and plans and things that I really want to do, that it's hard to finish. Plus, with the boy, it's hard to sit and do anything -- when I have free time, I just want to relax.

Oh well. Such is life, right?

DOOM!!!! (alternate title: Snow Day)

2011-02-02T12:38:00.000-06:00

Snow day around these parts. I worked for about 3 hours this morning. Jake shoveled us out (see Facebook pics) and then took Ryan to daycare. She was open today, but he was the only one there. would rather not burn one of my 10 sick days on the SECOND day of their calendar year (which runs Feb 1 - Jan 31, to include all the holidays in one year). So, Ryan is at daycare with our lady and her two kids. They all love him, so I'm sure he's having a wonderful time.

We are being bums. It's sort of nice. I have some laundry to do and such things around the house, but we never get to sit around during the day Ryan free.

I thought maybe it wasn't as bad as the weathermen were saying this morning, until I saw a neighbor trying to get out of his driveway. I have never seen anyone plow their driveway with their RAV-4 (or whatever kind of SUV he had) until today, but it was pretty sweet. I guess the poor guy seized up his snowblower, because he forgot to put oil in! Duh! So, our neighbor with the huge snowblower went over and saved him.

I knew that my Toyota was doomed when I saw him driving in the road.

We'll survive.

Ryan must be on a growth spurt again, because he has been eating like a pig. Well, maybe more like a duck. Pigs chew their food. Dinner the other night was a hot dog, half a cup of broccoli, some mashed potatoes and an entire banana. Breakfast this morning was three pieces of string cheese and a banana and a half. Ridiculous. I'm sort of wondering what the food bills will be like when he is a teenager. Frightening.

The Return of The Crib

2011-01-26T20:56:00.000-06:00

Aaaaaaand...

We're back in the crib. We put it together correctly now, so the mattress is on the very bottom position. He screamed for the first 15 mins and now he's sleeping. Like he did in the toddler bed too. So, no different there. I am hopeful that I will be sleeping all night tonight.

He needs to learn to put himself back to sleep -- he used to be able to do it. and then he would sleep from 7 to 7, almost every night. Now, we are going to bed late and getting up early to watch "Choo" (A Disney show called Chuggington). Ridiculous. We are trying to cut back on TV time, but I think it's going to be even more. I am done with the TV requests.

So, the next week or so will tell what happens with him. I hope to be sleeping again.

Also, today, I saw a new doctor. I really liked her -- she is just for general family doctor. I will still see by OBGYN too, for now. But, for months now, I have been having trouble dealing with life. I thought it was just stress or just being too busy or the holidays or whatever. But, it came to a point that I was easily irritable, and very, very angry and I could not control it. Well, I could control myself, but I couldn't stop the blood pressure rise and the RAGE. Pure anger. And it occurred to me that I have not just been feeling like this for a few months, but since Ryan was born. Which would make it Post Pardum Depression, PPD.

I felt really bad, because I was trying to be a little rational and tell the doctor how I had been feeling and all that, and instead, I just started to cry. I apologized and told her that I didn't want to unload on her, but here was how I've been feeling. And, I just don't feel like me. I feel wrong and backwards and a million other things. I have no energy to do normal things around the house, much less to do things that I actually enjoy, like sewing, cross stitching, etc. etc. etc.

So, she asked me all the standard depression questions and did do a physical exam. She is doing blood work on me, but said that she really thought it was PPD.

So, as of 1/26/11, I take Zoloft. I go back in one month to check out how I feel. I am hoping there is a difference. Because right now, I have been like this for so long, that I feel like this is normal -- I just don't know how I will be different.

But, I am hoping that I will enjoy my life again. Because right now, I definitely don't. I try, but I just don't have it. I'm hoping that I find it again.

So, Guess What?

2011-01-22T19:35:00.000-06:00

I decided this week that starting over was unnecessary. That I should just keep going. Because it's all a part of who I am and where I came from.

Plus, I just wasn't writing that much any way. I felt silly trying to be anonymous, because only people that knew me were reading anyway, right.

I'm taking a page from Josh Hertel and trying to remember to write, at least once a week, something of value.

Ryan is 20 months now. He is the greatest thing evah! I mean, there are moments where I want nothing better than to smoosh his little face, but he is wonderful. He knows many words and just is so funny. So dramatic. A great dancer. The little blonde boy.

I don't know if anyone reads this one anymore, but maybe if I write a new post, someone will come back to read again.

Since we're still in January, I can still make my resolutions/goals for this year! :)

Let's take a look at what I wanted to accomplish for 2010:

1. Seriously, lose 20 pounds (which is the remaining baby weight); then I will stop looking 5 months pregnant and my pants will fit again
2. Pay credit cards down under 5k (tax refunds will help this significantly)
3. Save $500 for realz

I set my bar low-ish last year. How did I do?

1. Considering that by the end of 2009, I was actually close to where I was at 7 months preggo in weight, I came very close to this goal! I lost about 5 lbs in February, and kind of bounced around 225 over the summer and fall. In August, I suddenly decided it was time. I'd had enough! I started Weight Watchers again and really followed it. By the end of the year, I had lost another 10 pounds! So, I hover right around 215 now, give or take. But, I do need to exercise (like with the 30 day shred) because my knees sound god-awful again. But, I lost 15 pounds over 2010. Pretty frickin' good, if you ask me!

2. We borrowed money against my 401k this year and paid off my cards. I can sacrifice the small loss in retirement income for the big loss of debt and interest payments. So, the credit cards, all of them combined, are hovering right around this number too. So, I call this one very close too. With this year's refund, we will be down to the end of it -- and we are both thrilled.

3. We didn't save any money this year, but the focus on paying things off/down was the biggest part of that.

So, for 2011!

1. Finish paying off the credit cards (I think this can be done by the end of summer, for sure)

2. Start paying off the mortgage, so we have real equity in the house. We refinanced this year and lost most of it to closing costs. But, without credit card payments, we can start dumping an extra $400/month onto the house. That way, when we get ready to sell in the next few years, we will be able to buy another house.

3. Start saving an emergency fund of being able to pay bills for 3 months. Which is about $5000, I think. We'll start there.

4. Get pregnant with #2 (#4)

5. Lose another 10 pounds

6. Finish some of the craft projects that I have lying around (and there are MANY!)

I know, 4 and 5 conflict, but maybe I will lose the 10 lbs before the getting pregnant thing.

So, Happy Resolutions and happy back to blogging! I've missed it. I need to focus on something other than reading the internet for hours at night and watching TV.

Oh, was I blogging?

2010-11-09T19:51:00.000-06:00

He walked a week after my last post. And hasn't stopped since. He was home sick for two days in August, right when he turned 15 months and he took like 4 steps across the living room right in front of me. And he's been going, going, going ever since.

It's pretty fun now. I still can't believe he went from nothing at his year appt, to crawling across the basement at Josh and Kristine's by the 4th of July to walking by the next month.

Little Boy is almost 18 months now; just a few more days to go. He really is SO much fun. Cars (the Pixar movie) is the favorite right now. Code name: "Vroom"; everything is "Mama" too; all objects and people. And when you answer the right name to something he is pointing to, he says "YEAH!!!"

We think that he might have a slight allergy/tummy trouble with Mac-n-Cheese, but not totally sure. Mac-n-cheese seems to coordinate with some sort of stomach bug he has at the time; but, they sure are some gross, gross diapers.

I can't wait for him to be potty trained so I don't have to change them anymore. All in due time.

Livin' on the Edge

2010-08-09T20:01:00.000-05:00

All of the crawling and cruising around on the couches and pulling up has morphed into cruising around all of the furniture with a very delicate hand hold, all around the kitchen, into the backroom. Rinse and repeat. :)

He is so close to walking, I can taste it. Or maybe he can taste it. The strength is there, now it's just the balance part. His cousin was over late last week and he walks around all over the place. Little Boy was standing holding on to a toy in front of the TV watching J and I could see the wheels turning in his head: "Hey! I can do THAT." And therefore, he will. Because that has been his whole life so far -- I'm not gonna ANYTHING until I decide that I want to. Which is very, VERY much like his mother. Hopefully, we can take that personality trait and make it something useful, instead of counter-productive, as my tendencies swing.

We were at the baseball game on Saturday night, which was very fun. We lasted almost the whole game -- sat in the stands and cheered and got a bit scared by fireworks and when the Brewers were scoring runs -- Miller Park is very loud! :)

We went to the State Fair on Sunday morning. It only rained about an hour in the morning, so while it was raining, we had breakfast:

It was delicious!

I think that we have our annual tradition with him -- I plan on taking month pictures with the next baby too, and I tried my best with Little Boy, but these are good too:


2009 - Almost 3 months old

2010 - Almost 15 months old

What a difference a year makes! :)

The cream puffs are really good too! Little Boy slept through those again this year too. But, he does go with his daycare on Friday, so I'm sure that he will get one then.

I'll post video of him walking soon.

If more than two people read this, I would publicly out my sister-in-law, but since nobody does, it's not really publicly outing her. I will say that I'm kind of excited that they are having another baby in January. I don't know if I'm ready or not to have another one. I waiver back and forth. If these money things would go away, I would be set. Until then...I'll just be excited for them. In my totally stone-cold, anti-excited way. Especially if they have a girl. Because then I can buy dresses and make sweet stuff that involves me using up all my girl colored yarns and fabrics that I've been traveling with for the past 5 to 6 years.

Stormy Weather

2010-07-22T19:27:00.000-05:00

Current weather map; we are also watching cars try to wade through 2 feet of water trapped under the Green Tree Rd overpass on I-43 near Good Hope Rd. And a guy just got off the bus on 43 and got onto another bus.
They closed the storm drains because of construction debris and now the interstate is flooded; actually, both main North-South highways (43 and 45) are closed because of standing water covering the roadway.

This is some crazy stuff! There was 7.2 inches of rain at Channel 4 WTMJ, which is basically downtown, for lack of better geography.

We have a small lake in the basement, because the gutter was overflowing onto the ground by the NE corner and it just runs back into the house. We should fix that. Whoops!

In other house news, we are working on refinancing the house. Much better rate, much lower payment = amazing. We can possibly save $150 a month, which will go nicely on the credit cards; I'm thrilled!

Next up: Car refi to dump the 9.75% interest rate that we currently carry, which is totally absurd.

Little Boy is doing well -- lots of crawling and cruising and kneeling and babbling. I'm thinking that he will be walking by the end of summer; hopefully, once he has mastered that skill, the language will start to build again. He will babble in sentences; you can't understand him, but he speaks in sentences. Also, he has 99% mastered the toy that he got from my aunt and uncle for Christmas; I'm generally pretty impressed. With all of our worrying and fussing about him, he's turned out to be a very funny little boy. A very funny Daddy's boy. :)

Lovely New Things

2010-07-18T22:44:00.000-05:00

So, in honor of Little Boy learning to crawl and pull up and generally get into everything that he can, we purchased a new TV console/stand from BigLots!; everything was 20% today too, so it was only $109 with tax, instead of $130 plus tax. Best deal evah!

I know that I was just complaining about money; but this was Jake's summer gig money AND we needed it so Little Boy would stop turning on/off the power on the receiver; you can tell him 'no', but he likes to push the buttons anyway...Plus, we came up with a plan for the money situation, so I don't feel so badly about spending $100 for a super good deal.

Since Husband and I are insane, we waited to reset everything until 8pm and just finished right now; it's very, very nice, but that was a lot of work! It makes the living room look a bit bigger because the old one covered up the windows like 50% of the way.

So, now, Little Boy can go to town on cruising along the TV stand, but the volume will not be touched.

The next tooth came through today -- the center top right one, when you are facing him. He was VERY crabby all weekend; after 3 days of constantly being around him, I am ready for the break of working! I feel terrible for saying that, because I really do love him and he is the funniest little boy most of the time, but we spent a lot of time together this weekend and he was kind of cranky for most of it. But, we are up to 5 teeth now! I suppose the next top center one will start to come down and make a nuisance for a while.

My daycare was closed on Friday, because of the flooding, so I was home all day with Little Boy; we went out in the morning, as I was trying to force him through to just an afternoon nap (they have great success with this at daycare) and he passed out on me at 11am; he didn't wake up when I carried him in the house, when I changed his diaper and clothes, etc. I was shocked, but then again, he only slept an hour or so. Then, he had a nap from 3:15 until 4:45, so we could go with Daddy to his gig Friday night, but even then, he was wiped out by 8:30. Poor Little Boy. We ran him ragged all weekend. I think that there are times when he would prefer just to stay home and chill. We should probably be more sympathetic to that some days.

Since it's 10:30, it's probably time for bed for me, but more laundry awaits.

14 months

2010-07-12T20:13:00.000-05:00

It's been a while and much has happened; Little Boy turned 1 and had a very fun birthday party with his cousin, J. The weather was really great and his Grandma flew in from MD to see him and J and all of us. It was a pretty good weekend; except Little Boy did not really enjoy the whole cake thing. Cookie was much more promising.

Little Boy also had his 1 year check up, which was great; I was worried about the fact that he wasn't crawling, or pulling up or any of that pre-walking type stuff. I shouldn't have worried, because within 1 week of that appointment, he was sitting up on his own, from his stomach, then army crawling, then regular crawling. Now, he crawls and pulls himself up to standing on lots of items. He can also sit on his knees and balance quite well. I give him the end of the summer before he's walking. Once he figures it out, I have a feeling he will be tearing through the house. He is just such a big boy now, it's amazing.

We really need to baby proof the house, but we are both too tired half the time to do anything during the week and the weekends have just been really, really busy lately. We'll get it soon.

The only other frustration that I have right now is that, while I would love to have another baby very soon, we just can't afford it. I try to figure out a way to pay things down and pay things off and whatnot and it just seems like it's impossible. I wish I could just stumble upon $10k (heck, even $5K would be beneficial at this point) to pay off credit cards and be done with it; if we paid off debt down to under $5k, I would be much, much happier. But, I will figure out a way to get through it and come out good on the other side.

Then, we can start all over again. :)

1 year ago

2010-05-13T09:03:00.000-05:00

It wasn't raining, but it was as gloomy. Weird.

Little Boy won't be 1 until 8:41pm tonight, but he's still ONE!!!

Happy Birthday Little Boy!

Pics later on. I'm at home today to try to clean up before we have people here next weekend.

I must have changed something...

2010-04-05T19:12:00.000-05:00

I decided today that two things have happened, almost at the same time; or at least, they converged to change over at the exact same time, making neither Mama or Little Boy very happy at bedtime.

I think that Little Boy has decided that it is time for him to go to bed at 6:30, instead of 6 (or earlier!). Naps are much longer during the day. Unfortunately, I am not used to having to entertain him for this extra half hour, but I will oblige him this week in learning and thinking up new ways to entertain him for 30 more mins.

Additionally, I must have slowly started to change his bedtime routine to where there is NO bedtime routine. Just me deciding that it's time for him to go to bed. Both these changes have lead to screaming like the world is going to end at bedtime. Tonight, for instance, I tried to give him his bottle and have him go to bed at 6pm -- he looked tired and I thought he was ready. However, after listening to him crying brokenly for 15 mins, I went back in, picked him up and rocked with him while he finished a last 2 ounces and then he just laid with me and watched his mobile from the rocker. After 20 minutes of doing this, I laid him back down and all was well. And now, I think that he's probably asleep. or close. Silly Mama. Not doing what the little boy is telling you that he needs to do.

So, starting tomorrow, the bedtime routine will start around 6 or 6:10 instead of 5:30. and I will stick to his old one of jammies, a bottle in the rocking chair and then bed -- with all his animals and toys. I don't care if he plays in there for another hour, as long as he's happy and getting himself to sleep.

As the weather gets warmer, we can go for a walk or go outside for a bit after dinner; the sun will still be out and it will be warm enough for him. That will really help. Then, we can come inside at 5:45 or 6 and get ready for bed. We'll see what happens. Maybe I will try this and it won't work and he'll be crying brokenly at 6:30 instead of 6. But, considering that he's been waking at 5:30 for the past few days, I think a later bedtime is in order.

Another problem that we are having is with his diapers -- he had leaked through 4 of them in the past twenty four hours. I don't think that he's ever done that ever. So, I'm going to take all of them and strip them with Dawn and rewash everything. I don't know what the hell happened, but something did. And Jake changed the bedsheets once and I did once in the past few hours. Which is super annoying. And I'm just hoping that Little Boy doesn't leak out overnight. Because if I have to get up tonight, I will probably cry.

My friend at work forced me to read the first one and I have since finished the Twilight series. It was ok. It was a good story, but after the heartbreak of Harry Potter, I have decided to not expect too much from books, especially "series" books. My expectations will probably not be met. I would not mind more books on the characters in the story -- some of them were pretty good characters and I would have like more story. But, I suppose that is what fanfic is for. And I should know, I have read enough of it (X-Files and Harry Potter). I was going to wait until the last book came out on paperback, but I decided on Saturday that I couldn't wait until then, so I bought the hardcover. It was very enjoyable. I know many did not like it, but it was a good read for just getting lost in a story and not having to think about the real world. There was only one thing that kind of pulled my focus, and that was a small conversation where one of the characters quoted the Simpsons. It was kind of out of place for me. But, no matter. I kept going.

I guess if you're just looking for a good book to read where you don't have to think much, that would be it. :)

Off to wash diapers.

New place

2010-03-29T18:36:00.002-05:00

my life is here now

Springtime is (almost) here!

2010-03-29T18:29:00.000-05:00

Hooray for springtime! I'm glad it's a bit early this year.

Little Boy is getting bigger and bigger. And he is just such a happy guy all the time now. He is cutting some teeth right now, we think, but he's still very enjoyable to have around. Lots of smiles and giggles and laughs and all that cute baby stuff. That is the best part. I have been waiting for this part. Where he can walk and talk a bit and be a bit more independent than before. It's a couple of months away from walking at least and same with talking, but you still see the growing and changing and it's wonderful.

He has nearly 99% switched over to table food. We told the new daycare to just try table food with him and he has really taken off. He'll gum down anything we put in front of him, pretty much. He loves peas and chicken; he has eaten pizza (both Toppers and homemade), hamburgers (McDonalds and homemade), fries, brats, green beans, pancakes -- you name it and he's probably tried it. He loves his food!

End of the "30 Day Shred"

2010-03-15T21:09:00.000-05:00

So, did I really last all 30 days? No. I would take a break here and there because my knees needed it. And I pretty much blew off the last week, because of needing the mental break.

My results? Mixed. I really haven't lost any weight, based on the scale, but two days ago, the answer would have been different -- I would have lost 4 pounds overall, but I ate like crap the last weekend and I am paying for it now. oops.

Overall, I have lost 15 inches. Now, that's a LOT of measurements: Neck, Bust, Chest, Waist, Lower Waist, Hips, Thighs, Calves, Upper Arm and Forearm. But, there is a noticeable difference in the major ones -- I lost a lot of the extra back padding from being pregnant, so it's a little more good curvy back there. Now, I just need to lose this tummy padding. Stupid C-section.

My overall opinion:
It's a great way to kick start a workout regime for yourself -- if you can do the 30 days, then you can keep moving forward with something else. I definitely have more energy and my knees are doing MUCH better, since they are stronger.

The new plan: Level 3 workout from the Shred every other day, alternating with walking outside at work until we change buildings and I have access to the workout room. THEN, I will probably be working out on my lunch time every other day, along with the Level 3 Shred.

I am still trying to lose about 20 pounds before May 13, which is looming large at this point, but it still doable. I will at least try and that is the part that matters!

Little Boy had bronchiolitis this past week. Stupid RSV. He was fevery, then was a little better, then a cold, then back to fever and coughing and hacking and SNOT like you wouldn't believe! But, there is nothing to be done except to let it run it's course. And sure enough, by Friday afternoon, he was getting better. He's MUCH better as of today, and I am happy because he is sleeping all night again.

He is 10 months old now! I think that he's starting to get testy and frustrated with us, because he wants to do more moving around, but he can't, because he doesn't want to learn to crawl without a major battle and isn't really taking to the standing and holding onto things very well. He just isn't using his arms very well. Hands, yes; arms, not so much. I don't know how I feel about that. I'm going to give him another month and then I might call the office and talk to the other female doctor at the pediatrician, who, coincidentally, I went to high school with. That was definitely weird. I'm not super worried about him, but it's a little odd. He's just my little weirdo. :)

Fever

2010-03-06T07:43:00.000-06:00

So, I get a call from Little Boy's daycare (which will be his old daycare as of next week) at 4pm yesterday -- it was the director, letting me know that Little Boy had a fever. Man, did he ever! He was dozing on one of the girls (the one that I don't like! grr...) in the rocking chair in the baby room -- they had me all packed up, so I could just grab him and go. I hadn't given them Tylenol, so they couldn't give him any for me. They just used cool compresses on his head, which I think helped.

I got him home and laid him on the couch and took his temp -- 103! Whoa! That baby got Tylenol and went to bed. He woke up a couple of times between 5:15 and 9, but then was asleep until midnight; then he had more drugs and a bottle. And he slept until almost 6 this morning and his temp was almost normal, which makes Mom happy.

The reason old daycare is now old daycare is because we have found a new place. It's called Nonni's House and it's a mom and a daughter that live in a duplex more toward the center of West Allis. They are awesome! And he can go three days a week and it's only $35 a day. I can handle that! They are really nice, normal people too. And I feel like I know the daughter, but I don't know why...She's only 24, so I don't think it was HS. I am just so glad that we found a place very easily that we both love and Little Boy will get the attention and care that I think he wasn't getting at the old place.

So, I call the director to ask what I need to do to leave the place. Now, three weeks ago, I asked about him coming more days. She told me that she really didn't have anymore room for him -- he could come Thursdays, but not Wednesdays and there was no room really to move him around, because the whole place is full. When I called yesterday, man, had that story changed! Suddenly, there was room for him for more days. Well, lets see $180 vs. $105 a week. Gee, let me think...

So, we've started a new place. LB's Grandma was very, very sad that instead of watching him on Thursdays, she works. I think that she wasn't ready to give up a day. But, she will still see him Tuesdays. And when it's nice out again, we can go to her house more.

Also, this week (on Monday, actually), my friend Julia had her son. She works at a hospital not too far away from where I work, so Tuesday afternoon, I stopped to say hi and see the new adorableness. And both Mom and Dad looked really good -- they didn't have that new parent look to them at all. And her son was very, very cute. I got to hold him for a bit and he was so sweet. You could tell that he knew I was someone different, but that didn't stop me from rocking him back to sleep. sucker! :)

I think that whenever we're monetarily ready, I'm ready again. The monetary part might be a little longer coming here, but the tax returns helped a bunch. I don't feel so strained. I'm hoping we can pay a big old chunk down this summer. Cleaning out the house would also be a good thing. I'm taking off May 13 and 14 for LB's 1st birthday, but I will probably use it to have a garage sale Friday and Saturday. I'll spend the time before that to clean out the whole house and basement. I would like to get rid of 50% of the stuff that we have. That way, we can have a nice playroom that isn't my living room. Actually, I'd love to move the living room around so it's more open to the "dining room" area -- then the toys could go there and you could still see LB playing from the living room.

OH....so many ideas!!! I love spring. Time for some spring cleaning!

Manic Baby

2010-02-28T13:54:00.000-06:00

Little Boy has been totally manic the last couple of days. It's amazing. Smiling and happy one minute and crying in abject horror the next. Diaper changes are the worst.

The bucking and kicking and temper tantrums are interesting to witness however.

I'm thinking that the inability to communicate and the lack of mobility are starting to catch up with him. Because I feel like he is trying to tell us something, but what = ??????? I wish he had a word or two that he could use.

Additionally, since tummy time also makes him insane with rage and tears, I have decided to try to start to get him to learn to stand on his own and cruise around on the furniture. It's actually going ok -- you stick a laptop in front of him (real or fake) and he loves to hit it. Which makes him stay up longer. But, like everything, it's going to take some time. So, we can do tummy time and standing time. Gotta do something. He's gotta start chasing these cats around by the end of the summer. I really am looking forward to filming him chasing the cats around.

But, he is definitely my child -- he will not do a damn thing unless he wants to. You can't make him do anything, or he will pitch a fit.

The shred is continuing. I'm on day 14 tonight. I have to wait until Little Boy goes to bed, because I am unable to function for 20 mins afterward. But, I am seeing a change (except for my c section belly), so it's a good thing. That belly is going to hang on forever, I think.

But, it was worth it.

Babies are awesome! and some Birthday related things

2010-02-21T20:18:00.000-06:00

I went to a friend's baby shower today and had a really, really good time! The glass of wine prior to lunch helped too. She has a couple of friends that live in town and it does two things: Makes me miss my close friends that all live out of state now and makes me wish that I had close friends in town. :)

Little Boy did not come with me though. I wanted to bring him, but he's either had a couple of off days OR his nap schedule is changing AGAIN (silly babies) and he's eliminating a nap, despite his insane tiredness by 5:30 or 6pm, so the beginning of the shower fell at nap time for him and then I was too tired to have him come down. But, I think once my friend's little man is here, we can have some play dates and such.

I love babies...

In other news, I am trying to set up a birthday part for Little Boy and J, his cousin. I don't know if J's parents will be able to do that, but the question has been raised. I think that the Gary Heyebrau company is going to brew some specialty beer for the occasion. I'm thinking May 22 or 23. Hopefully, the weather will cooperate. I'm leaning towards the Saturday, because then there's recovery time the next day.

Nothing like a good yard/driveway party to lift your spirits!

From Mama's Corner

2010-02-16T19:49:00.000-06:00

I'm on Day 2 of the "30 Day Shred" from Jillian Michaels. It pretty much kicks my butt. And I'm only on level 1. 8 more days and I'm on to level 2. 10 days on Level 1, 10 on Level 2 and 10 on Level 3. You're supposed to be able to lose up to 20 pounds, but all anecdotal evidence seems to indicate that you should only really expect 10.

I'm more about the inches. I don't care about weight so much as being able to fit into my old pants. I know that some women have trouble ever fitting back into their pre-pregnancy jeans due to "hippage", but my body did not change shape all that much.

So, 30 days to get rid of the rest of Ryan weight. And, at this point, it's really cheeseburger weight, as apposed to Ryan weight.

9 Months Old!

2010-02-15T18:34:00.000-06:00

Little Boy is officially 9 months old, as of Saturday!

His Aunt, Uncle and Cousin J came down Saturday to hang out. J is a crazy man, who eats like a horse and lives to climb things. But, he is pretty funny, and it's pretty funny to watch an 8 1/2 month old cram food into his cram-hole until there's nothing left to do. But, he must have rubbed off on Little Boy, because on Sunday, Little Boy started to feed himself his sweet potato puffs (sweet potato flavored rice puffs). We're working on the sippy cup. He's definitely going to be right handed -- that's the dominant hand, for sure.

His doctor appt was very good. He's 28 inches and 19 pounds. I think that he's longer than 28 inches, but that height thing can be a bit subjective. If you don't get the leg straight or get the head line right, it can be skewed. Head size is still 95th percentile. We're transitioning to table foods the rest of the way in the next three months, and should be converted to whole milk and table food by 1 year. He's much better with chewing now too, so that's a very good thing. No teeth about to make their immediate arrival, but they are coming eventually.

I'm amazed that it's been 9 months already! Before I know it, it will be May and I will have to be thinking about birthday parties and such. I'm looking forward to my first Mother's Day -- missed it by three days last year. I'm thinking brunch at Brocach would be amazing. Even Little Boy could eat some eggs and biscuits and whatever else. and I can have myself Mimosas until I can't walk.

Snowstorm

2010-02-09T20:57:00.000-06:00

Little Boy saw his first real snowstorm today. We've had a couple in his first winter, but this was the first one that actually dumped a lot of snow on the metro area.

I think that he enjoyed the snow. Well, at the very least, he enjoyed his Daddy jumping around like a fool while I took a picture.

Number 400; Also, the New Year's Post

2009-12-30T19:36:00.000-06:00

Wow -- I can't believe that I hit 400 posts on this thing. Amazing.

I was just going to post my New Year's Post now, because I will be in the car all day Jan 1st and won't be able to fit a post in, I'm sure.

So, here is what I was going for it 2009:

1. Pay credit card down under $3000
2. Lose 20 pounds (why not?)
3. Pay off remaining student loan that is not rolled up into my consolidation loan (stupid loan that I forgot about!)
4. Get rid of all the misc. shit that is cluttering up my house. Okay, I guess that could be, get more organized.
5. Save $500

What happened:

1. A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAH!!!! Hell no! I'm happy if the damn thing is under 10k right now. Stupid medical expenses and baby stuff.

2. (see crazy laughter above); I am still hanging onto 20 pounds from being pregnant. D'oh!

3. YESSSS!!! Finally! I did do this. It wasn't too bad.

4. Nope, not this either. It's slightly better, but not by much

5. Fail

So, what for 2010? Hmmm....

1. Seriously, lose 20 pounds (which is the remaining baby weight); then I will stop looking 5 months pregnant and my pants will fit again
2. Pay credit cards down under 5k (tax refunds will help this significantly)
3. Save $500 for realz

I think that I'll just go for 3 for now. Maybe I'll come up with more.

I'm sorry that we won't make it to EC for New Year's. Sounds like it's going to be a good time. But, we'll have a fun time with my parents and cousin too. We always do. Maybe next year we'll be able to go.

Have a fabulous night tomorrow! and Happy New Year!!

Maybe a long break...

2009-12-18T19:26:00.000-06:00

I really have lost my desire to blog lately. I don't know why. I love to read blogs, but I just don't really have much to stay. Maybe I will have to come up with some new ideas.

Anyway, I'll be around...just on an extended break. Until I come up something fresh. :)

Merry Christmas!

6 months and growing!

2009-11-30T18:50:00.000-06:00

Ryan has his 6 month checkup today. He's growing up so fast!

Weight: 16 lbs. 8.5 ounces (which is 25 - 30th %)
Length: 26.75 inches (which is 50th %)

And Head Size: 46 Centimeters (which is 90th%)

So, he continues to be a giant head on a skinny body. But, he's SOOO cute! :)

He loves solids and he gets to start to eat more foods now that he's passed 6 months -- he can start to try meats and more 'stage 2' foods. I'm thinking turkey and sweet potato puree is on tap for Thanksgiving! :)

He still can't have the "allergy" foods -- like fish, shellfish, peanuts (or all nuts), egg white (who knew?). Egg yolk is ok though. He also gets to start 3 meals a day -- the breakfast, lunch and dinner thing. Next month, he can start on cheerios, so he can learn to chew stuff.

Fun times! :)

Things to do before I die...

2009-10-29T20:31:00.000-05:00

See the Foo Fighters live and in person.

Their concert at Wembley Stadium was just on PalladiaHD.

I love this concert. It's so amazing.

I guess another thing to do would be to actual meet Dave Grohl in person too. Add that to the list. I should make a list. A real list. A bucket list, if you will.

I'm 30 now, you know. I'd better get working on that bucket list.

I've been toying with the idea of starting a new blog. One that is more about my life with Ryan, instead of my random crap. Plus, while I do love this blog, there's so much of the time after Branden died. I do want to remember all that stuff, but I did some crazy ass shit then that I would never do. I was broken. Broken hardcore then. Now, much better. So, I'm thinking about leaving this behind and starting fresh. I've got a name picked out for proposed new blog, but I'm still mulling it over.

I would really like our next house to have an office alcove in or near the kitchen. That would be outstanding.

Little boy has been wonderful. He's such a wonderful little guy when he's well rested. And such a cranky little stinker when he's not. Bedtime has been around 6pm for a long time now. And he sleeps close to the whole night, when healthy. When sick, the plugged nose has a tendency to wake him up earlier. But, it's AMAZING how much sleep and sleep deprivation affect you. You get sleep, you are amazing. No sleep and memory really suffers. My memory is still horrible. It's a TON better since he started to sleep through the night, but most of the pregnancy and the first couple of months are just a blur. If I didn't have the blogs, I wouldn't have memory of anything.

So, that's another recommendation. Keep a blog or journal while preggo. Oooh! That reminds me. I had intentions of creating a stuff I loved/hated during pregnancy and baby times. I should work on that. That would actually be a project. Maybe I'd use it for an opening post on proposed new blog.

Hmmm...lots to think about. Now, to finish laundry and maybe some more bejeweled. maybe...

Apparently, you don't have a lot of extra time when you have a baby...

2009-10-19T22:09:00.000-05:00

More so that I am lazy and don't post. I have been reading a lot of blogs recently and kind of wish I was more...I don't know...more entertaining, I guess. More informative. More bloggy, as it were. I have an idea of a post I would like to make, but it's just a matter of sitting down and doing it. The post of "what I used/what I didn't use" for Ryan. A baby stuff post. Although, since I formula fed, my post would differ greatly from, say, Kristine's, but she makes things work differently for her. Which is fine. Just using her as an example of someone who's "goods and bads" would probably be different from mine.

The main thing that I have been doing in the past almost three weeks since I posted: Working my butt off.

Work has been CRAZY! I am just finally starting to catch up on stuff. Hopefully, by the end of this week, I will have caught up all the way. Which would make me very happy. I hate looking stupid at work. And being behind always makes me look stupid. Lots of overtime though. Extra money is nice.

I got my new lappy, got a virus and completely hosed the whole thing in the past three weeks, causing us to have to restore to the factory settings. Which meant we would have lost three weeks of Ryan pictures, EXCEPT for the dumb luck factor. I saved all the pictures onto my Photobucket AND onto a flash drive to take to work. So, the only thing that we really lost was some of the video that we took of Ryan. And the good ones were posted to Facebook, so they aren't really lost. Good times all around. I have decided that one of those times that those fake websites came up that is "scanning" your computer, I clicked in the box, instead of just closing the whole browser. I did it before I could think. Oops. Stupid jerks.

Now, I run AVG.

Ryan has gotten SO big and more grown up in the past three weeks! It's amazing how fast they change. He's eating some solids. He enjoyed sweet potatoes, peas, winter squash, but not green beans. That or he doesn't like the taste of the Gerbger baby food. Near as I can tell, it's just the veggie and water, but he hasn't been as enthusiatic about it as he was with Earth's Best. Either way, I'm going to make my own, because they don't cover many veggies in the baby foods. Lots of fruits. I'm going to wait on the fruit until 6 months, I think. Learn to like the veggies first. Then, fruits.

He's also almost sitting up on his own now. We haven't made much progress in the crawling or rolling area, but that's okay.

And, finally, we have started to ignore him at night, in the hopes that he goes back to sleep. AND...for the past couple of nights, it has worked. I love it, because, even though I wake up, I don't have to get up. Soon, I will be sleeping all night again. At least until the next little peanut comes along.

I love sleep.

Decisions, decisions

2009-10-01T20:41:00.002-05:00

I've decided that since we will almost certainly be not having a baby in 2010 (I would prefer early 2011), we will bump down on coverage for this year. The company gives us $2000 to use, so as long as we don't go over that, I'm not terribly worried. All Ryan's checkups are 100% covered, because they are preventative. My one that I have for sure next year would be if I do get preggers, I hopefully will not have more than $2000 in maternity appts. I could always go back and re-calculate from this year.

But, like I said, Ryan is covered, because those are preventative and Jake is done with going to doctors. He's had allergy testing, a scope and something else, all that led to the conclusion that he is pretty healthy. Just has tonsil problems sometimes.

I also am still carrying my AFLAC insurance, which is pretty sweet. When the next little one does arrive, I can use it to claim my hospital stay -- and it pays you cash, which is just the same as money! :)

I'm also going with the 7 day elimination STD -- remember all my bitching about that?!?!! They are changing it, so it's not so horrible for people to go out of work for longer periods of time without burning mega vacation. That sucked.

So, now, I can use all the extra funds to pay for daycare. Or part of daycare anyway.

The cold is not so bad. I didn't get hit as hard as I did last year.

We're going to Luxemburg this weekend. Jake has a gig in GB on Saturday night. I am trying to do laundry right now and I'm just tired and want to go to bed. Oh well. Buck up!

The joys of having children

2009-09-30T05:38:00.003-05:00

means you pick up their illnesses when they have them.

Well, maybe. I do have a tendency to get sick this time of year anyway, so it COULD just be a coincidence, but Ryan has a cold, my Mom has a cold and I am starting to get one. Suckage.

Then, two nights ago, overnight, he coughed like two times and that was the only peep I heard from him from about 7pm until 6:30am. Last night, he was crying a bit at 10:30 and then again at 3:30 and 4:30 and then really going at 5:15. But, nook in his mouth now, he's quiet. So, here I am, waiting for him to decide that he's really hungry and not just needing something to suck on, like the nook.

Oh well, at least the cats are fed. I will be super tired today, however. Not fun.

I saw a super cool idea last night on one of my cloth diaper blogs that I read. Someone took a picture EVERY DAY of their baby for one year. "A Year of *insert baby name here*" it was called (I can't remember the baby's name right now). They put the baby in the crib or on a bed (it was just a plain sheet) and printed out the date -- they must have just printed out the numbers 0-9 and the 12 months and interchanged those. I wish I would have seen that sooner. A totally sweet idea.

So, it's annual enrollment time down at ol' Fidelity. I need to pick what medical plan we are going to use this year. The current one we have is going up $47.81 a paycheck (that's almost $100 a month, if you're playing a long at home). I current pay $243.90 a paycheck, so you do the math. So, I could drop back to the next level, which would save us $4300 over the next year, but we would have to pay more out of pocket that the plan we have now. And we could use that money to pay for his one day of daycare instead of having it be an extra expense like it is now. But, I get nervous. And I would like to have another baby soon. Like, get pregnant again next year. Those appointments aren't "preventative medicine", those are maternity related, which means that we're paying for them until the deductible is hit and then we're paying 20%. Even if we would have the baby in 2011 and I could change insurance types again, would that be more than $4300 in savings? I really have a lot of math to do here.

Jake, of course, just wants to hear the bottom line, even though he always says to me "we can talk about this". As long as it's not money related. I'm a bit concerned with the money stuff. I don't think that paying $500 on one card a month is viable anymore. Which really sucks. Maybe $500 all together. There's more math that I need to do there too.

Maybe I'll just work less today and do my calculations. I also wanted to take a longer lunch and run to Kohl's. I've got 30% off and $10 Kohl's cash. I want to try to find Ryan a winter coat that he can wear all this winter. 12 month coat, here I come!

4 (and a half) month checkup

2009-09-26T14:35:00.002-05:00

It was yesterday. He did pretty well. He's getting to be a calmer baby -- much calmer. Right now, he's sitting in his rocker chair thingy, playing with a stuffed Pooh bear and rubbing his feet together.

He was 15 pounds, 12 ounces and 25 1/4 inches long. He grew an inch and a quarter in a month and a half. That's a lot of growing. I measured him at 3 months, since he didn't have a doc appt and he was 24 inches then. He did really, really well with the shots this time. I was proud of him.

He had his second week of daycare yesterday too. I was less pleased with them. They must have told the morning baby teacher that I come before 7:15, because she was there already when I showed up. She was a very grandma-type. So, that was nice. But, I told her I was going to pick him up at 2:45. I was a little bit late, but right as I walked in, she was laying him down for a nap -- WHY DIDN'T SHE DO IT SOONER!!!! So, I was a little frustrated by that, because then he missed a nap. So, he's been a tired baby since then.

Plus, he had a cold and probably doesn't feel that great to start with.

Oh well. Poor little Ryan.

But, he's going to start more rice cereal for solids and then by 5 months, we can start to try veggies and once he's into the veggies, onto fruits. So, Jake and Mom will have to start to try those during the day. Which means that I should sew the cushions for the high chair, so he's got a nice place to sit. It's really cute Sesame Street flannel that I found at Hobby Lobby. It's pretty sweet.

Anyway, off to make the baby sleep again. he needs his beauty rest.

So...summer?

2009-09-19T08:18:00.002-05:00

That's okay Mother Nature. We didn't really need summer anyway. That week of 90 degree weather in August was good enough.

Putting long sleeves and pants on my child in July because the high was 60 was okay too, I guess.

Whatev, I say.

We passed four months last weekend. The sleeping continues -- there are good nights and bad nights, but that's okay. It's a process, learning how to sleep. The napping process continues as well. he's getting better in the mornings, but the early and late afternoon naps continue to be 30 mins, which means that between 5 and 6pm, he needs another 30 minute nap. And that's okay.

I will say that the sleep deprivation of having a new baby kind of makes you forget exactly how bad you felt. I mean, the two night before last, I got more than 4 hours of sleep in a row for the first time in four months. Do I really have a memory of all that waking up at night, etc, etc? Not really.

I'm thinking of maybe trying to convince Jake to try to have a 10-10-10 baby (which, of course, means January 2010), but other than that, there's no rush. And 1-1-11 or 11-11-11 baby would be sweet too. Or 12-12-12. Then, we're all out of sweet dates until 2-2-22 or 2-22-22. 3-3-33, 4-4-44. 5-5-55, etc. You get the point. "Magic Calendar Days" my HS Latin teacher used to call them.

Work is going ok. The deal that merges my company and another Milwaukee based company Metavante closes Oct. 1. Then come the layoffs. I don't think that I'm really in danger of being laid off, but I'm worried about all of us.

I got a new laptop yesterday, for my birthday next month. Jake lets me use things right away. It's an MSI Wind Netbook and the best part is that it's PINK!!! woot. It's really nice. I'll miss the apple lappy, but this is good too.

Well, Ryan is taking his morning nap, so I should take a shower before he decides to make it 30 mins, instead of the 2 hours that need probably needs.

Will I EVER learn?

2009-09-10T20:01:00.002-05:00

So, the instant I mention something about Ryan sleeping through the night, guess what? he stops.

I am hoping it was just a one time set back. He was kind of fussing last night and Jake has this idea that his squacking a bit equals him FREAKING out. That is NOT freaking out. His making goat noises is him freaking out.

So, I went and put the nook is his mouth and rolled his sleeves down and then he freaked out. Also, i was VERY tired and was PIST at Jake for forcing me to get up, when Ryan probably would have gone back to sleep on his own. So, the monitor will be quieter tonight, so Jake can't hear it but I can.

Then, I can make up my own mind about getting up.

However, I am SUPER tired, so I will probably get going to bed shortly.

My Sister-in-law's Big Fat Christian Wedding...and the rest of the weekend

2009-09-09T20:48:00.003-05:00

This is RUL long...you've been warned.

Well, the wedding weekend has come and gone. And, as always, all of my frustrations leading up to it melted away when we were there, because I was pretty much the only sane person in the car on Friday night, between the rehearsal and the dinner.

Let's re-cap, up to that point.

Thursday -- I was off. I took off because I felt so yucky at the beginning of the week that I couldn't get much done. So, I cleaned up and packed and ran errands, etc. etc. I also took Ryan up to work again, so he could see people and I could drop off the treats I said I would bring for the food day. Once he ate, he was not so fussy and let people hold him. Before that...look out!

Thursday night, Grandpa watched Ryan while Grandma and I went for mani/pedi's. It was good. I got red toes and pink french manicure. They looked good.

Friday -- got up at 6am to finish getting ready (I had several loads of laundry left to do) and finished packing. We were ready to hit the road at 10am, which was excellent. We are usually running horribly late and it drives Jake insane. Drove to Chicago and made it there before noon. It was really easy. The room in the hotel was not ready when we got there, so we had to wait. We went and got lunch with Jake's Dad and hung out in their room for a bit. Ryan hit his breaking point right about the time that the room was FINALLY ready (an hour and a half after we got there -- thank you Hampton Inn for putting us in a room that was occupied before we got it) and we quick had to set up the pack-n-play so he could take a nap. He was better after a nap. I got ready for the rehearsal and dinner and we left Ryan with my parents (they were bringing him to the dinner later). I wish he were more like Jameson and could just sleep whenever and chill. He's so high maintenance.

end re-cap.

So, we drove to the rehearsal with Jack and Betsy (Jake's parents, for those of you keeping score at home). We left the rehearsal at 5:45 to drive the 10 mins to the dinner at Giordano's. Josh and Kristine and Jameson followed in their car. Somehow, we had the wrong one (there are many) and we couldn't get the bride or the groom to answer their fracking phones to figure out where we were supposed to be. And the wrong Giordano's has TWO (TWO!) addresses, so when we entered the next address, it took us in a circle. So, we tried to go back to the hotel and tempers were flaring at this point. The bride and groom still did not answer their cell phones. We were driving somewhere (I don't even remember where we were going at that point) and VERY suddenly, Jack pulled off the road we were on, leaving Josh in the dust. And it took them a while to get turned around and back to us. I took this opportunity to figure out where the hell we were supposed to be going. I called the place we had been at and then asked them where "the one up the road" was (in Oak Brook. we were in Westchester.) I called that one to make sure the dinner was ACTUALLY there. Got the address -- the TOMTOM wouldn't take the complete address and so our destination ended up being the bridge over 294, right by the hotel. So, we went back to the hotel (by now, everyone was really irritated, including me) and FINALLY someone noticed that the bride's ENTIRE family hadn't arrived yet. It was around 6:30 at this point. So, I talked to the groom and said, we're at the hotel, just tell me which way we turn out of the hotel lot.

So, in the end, the directions for the place we were supposed to be at were: Go back to the hotel, go past the hotel on 22nd St, until you get to the place.

I'm still not sure what happened, but I was really irritated that nobody noticed we weren't there by 6:10 and it took another 15 mins to get a call back. Who doesn't notice that the bride's parents are missing at 6:05?

Anyway.

The rehearsal dinner was good. Ryan was fussy and hot in his car seat. Then, he ate and was better. Then, he pooped a bit (and he hadn't pooped in 4 days by Friday), but didn't finish and was still a fuss. We went back to the hotel and he went to sleep. I went to sleep and Jake went out with the guys for the bachelor party.

Saturday:

This is where the big news of the week comes in: RYAN SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT NOW!!!!

He picked a hotel in the middle of Chicago to start sleeping through the night. I thought that he was going to wake up, but he just fussed a bit, took the nook and kept on sleeping. I, of course, could not sleep, for the fear that the instant I did, he would wake up. He slept from 9pm to 6:15am. Jameson on the other hand (poor Josh and Kristine) decided not to sleep until 12 and woke up at 6.

I got up with him a little before 7 and took him in the lobby. J&K were in the lobby getting coffee, all dressed and ready for the day already. I sat there and found a little bit to eat and they started asking me if I was going to breakfast. I said yes. They said to me that it was in 3 minutes. I said, what do you mean -- breakfast is at 8. Basically, they changed it to 7 and I missed it. So, I threw on clothes, left the baby with Jake and went to eat. I had the same breakfast as Brooke -- giant berry pancakes. This would prove to be a mistake later in the day. Breakfast was good, but I was tired and in need of caffeine.
So, I got back, found out what was going on with hair and took a shower. Then, I got my hair done and half way changed my clothes. My hair was really cute and it was off my neck, which made me happy. I barely saw Ryan or my parents or anyone that day though. That sucked. We went to church and got dressed, did pictures, watched Brooke get married. Afterward, Kit told me that he saw me laughing up there. In point of fact, I was either smiling at him, so he would feel better or I was grimacing because my feet were killing me. I was only slightly insulted.

Ryan was CRAZY fussy during the ceremony and the rest of the day. Jake had to stick a bottle in his mouth until right before a picture, otherwise, he was crying. By 7pm, he had had enough and my parents took him back to the hotel, since we couldn't leave. But, by 9pm, we were back, because the reception ended about 8:30. The food was good, the cake was okay and I didn't dance, which I am ALWAYS okay with.

But, Ryan was asleep by 9pm again and didn't really wake up until almost 7. It was good. We got up, had breakfast, got dressed, packed everything up and hung out a bit. Then, we said good-bye, as I wanted to stop at teh Carter's outlet in Kenosha (BTW, just go to Johnson Creek. PP is ridic.) and we had to pick Maggie (YES!) up at 1pm at Mitchell Airport. So, the exit for the outlet mall in PP is ridiculous, as was the mall. But, Jake's mom gave us $100 GC, so I spent about half of it on some winter clothes for Ryan. We got McD's for lunch and then found out that Maggie landed about 20 mins early. I don't think she was waiting too long, but we rolled up and had her hop in the car.

I was SO happy that she came up here to see us. I had a really good time and I miss her to death. Sister from another mother. Yakkers hung out with us on Sunday night -- we made food and watched Grandma's Boy. Yakkers went home about 8 and that was right about when Ryan went to sleep. They played Bubble Bobble on Wii and I played Zookeeper on her DS. I went to bed about 10 and they not long after.

On Monday, we lazed around a bit and then went to the baseball game. The crew lost and there was some jackass from Chicago wearing a Cardinals t-shirt who was yelling stuff and generally being belligerent. He was SUCH a jerk. He had served overseas too and I guess that makes it okay to be a stupid idiot. I will let Jill know that when she gets back. Ryan stayed with my parents and ended up taking a two hour nap at their house. WOW! Then, we went shopping and he fell asleep again in the mall. I got two shirts for $30 at Express and a bra and undies for $26 at VS. Good shopping for me! :) We made more food and watched Beerfest when we got back and then it was bed time for me.

Jake took Maggie back to the airport on Tuesday morning. I wish that we could move down there. I really do. I don't care about being here at all. Seriously. If Jake hadn't gotten any job when we left RF, I would have considered it VERY much. Heck, I consider it all the time.

So, there it is. I don't have many pictures, because I was busy with wedding or Ryan. Too bad. I love to take pictures.

Ryan has continued to sleep through the night since Friday. Which is AWESOME!! I love it!

Bring on fall. It's almost here.

Daycare for the little boy

2009-09-02T20:13:00.002-05:00

So, I went and toured a daycare today and I really liked it. It was on the block that my aunt and uncle used to live on and next door to the old folks home that my grandparents lived until they passed away. It's a quiet little neighborhood, which I really liked. I saw a mom coming out and asked her if she liked it -- she had both her kids there, so I took that as a good sign.

It's a bit pricey, but it is Milwaukee and I think that being in a group setting would be good for Ryan -- get some interaction with other kids. For one day a week, I think it would be ok. Now, we just have to come up with the monies to start him there, I think.

I should probably look at other places, but I am unenthusiastic about the whole search and this one is pretty much right on the way to work for either of us. Jake could drop him off and I could pick him up...Plus, it was very nice. It was clean and they have lots of activities for the kids to do. I met with one of the infant room teachers, and she was really nice.

I have off now until Tuesday. Tomorrow, I need to get all the laundry done, start packing, make my s'more bars for work, go up to work for an hour or so, clean up the house and get the "bedroom" upstairs ready for Maggie and get my nails done for the wedding this weekend.

Hopefully, Ryan will take good naps for me tomorrow. I will probably be up at my normal time and just get going right away. I should be doing some of this stuff right now. Maybe I will go straighten up the upstairs tonight and then that will be done. Ryan is already sleeping for the night, so I don't need to worry about him until, like, 2am.

Okay, here I go...

One year ago (well, tomorrow)...

2009-08-31T19:47:00.003-05:00

and since I can't guarantee that I will remember to post tomorrow...

Last year, September 1st was Labor Day. I was off. It was great.

Jake went into work for a bit that day and I went to take a shower about noon. I used the last digital pregnancy test in the house, to get rid of it. That way, I wouldn't have babies on the brain and I could just chill after the two miscarriage year.

So, I used it. and turned on the shower and grabbed my towel, etc. and went to look at the test. It was finished running. It also said: PREGNANT.

WTF?!!!

Thus began the adventure that will be the rest of my life.

It's been ups and downs and I wouldn't change a thing. Not one single thing. Because this little guy was meant to be here. He's way too cute not to be here.

Also: I can't wait to do it again. :)

I still want a girl.

Do you find this odd?

2009-08-27T19:36:00.003-05:00

So, I have Google Reader and I have blogs that I like to read. Is it weird that Blogger recommends my own blog to read to me? Because I think it is.

Anyway...

The transition to the crib was fine in the end. No big deal. We're working on naps.

Little boy still wakes up at night. Some nights, it's ok. Other nights, I'd like nothing better than to strangle him and go back to sleep...but, instead I throw things and swear and feel a bit better. And then I pick him up and feed him until he falls back to sleep.

I'm just not sure why...he always seems SO hungry when I pick him up. We think he's in a growth spurt right now too -- eating a lot and sleeping a lot.

So, Mom hurt her back, mostly because she just wasn't taking good care of it while watching him. It's better now, but she's not sure that she can watch him three days a week anymore. I'm not real sure what to do here. I knew that it wouldn't last forever, but I thought that she would at least make it a year. I'm thinking of asking my aunt if she would watch him one day a week and offer to pay her what it would cost at a daycare, which the one daycare that I've sent in something to is about $50 a day. I just don't know if she would be able to do it. I doubt it. She always seems VERY busy with David and Michael (my cousins).

My other thought was that she and Jake could switch off watching him for three days and two days...one could take three one week and the other could take three the next.

And my final thought is that I could just quit my job and stay home with Ryan all the time. Which wouldn't be that bad. Too bad I need my job. Maybe when we have the next one, we will be debt free enough that maybe I can stay home longer. I wish I could find something that paid well that I could stay home and do.

I hate my job. Actually, I hate that it's so inflexible and it's becoming even more inflexible. I would never want to work from home and watch kids at the same time. I did that one day this week as a test and NEVER AGAIN!! I was totally destroyed by 4pm. Next time, I will just take the day off. If it's unpaid, it's unpaid. it is what it is.

Maybe I could be an exotic dancer three nights a week. That would pay good, right? LOL! :)

The Couch to 5k program has hit a snag. In that, I never have the time/energy to do it. Which frustrates me. What I need to do is clean up the back room this weekend and then I would stay more on track. maybe I should be picking up back there right now...hmm...

Oh well. I still have weeks before the Discovery Run. I'm def going to do it. I'm actually looking forward to it.

Okay, I'm going to clean up some shoes in the back room and then take my lappy upstairs and lay in bed. hip-hip-hooray!

Part 3

2009-08-17T18:05:00.002-05:00

I think that we've been successful here with the nighttime sleeping. Some nights he sleeps longer than others. He wakes up after about 8 hours to eat like a pig, but other than that, he sleeps like a little angel.

Like last night, for instance. He feel asleep about 8pm (maybe a little earlier) and slept until 4:30am. Then, at 4:30, he woke up and was very hungry (and angry) and took down 6 ounces in no time. Then, he went back to sleep and was sort of fussy at 6:30am. But, we just needed to have a new diaper, and he went back to sleep for another hour, which made Daddy very happy, because he didn't have to get up until 7:30 then.

And then there are nights where he wakes up crying at 11:30 or 12 and just needs a nook in his mouth to go back to sleep. Or he'll wake up to eat at 2am.

It's all a rich tapestry.

Now, we just need to work on getting him to nap in the crib, instead of the swing. But, small steps. Small steps.

More people that I know are having babies, which is really exciting. Makes me want to have another right now!!! :)

Okay, I can wait a bit. Like I've said before, as long as we are under $3k of CC debt, we will probably try again.

I also just started a Couch to 5k program this week. It's supposed to be a slow transition into running a whole 5k. So, I'm giving it a try, with the end point being the Lakefront Discovery Run 5k (instead of the 15k). It's Oct. 31st and this program is 9 weeks, which is around Oct. 18th or so. A couple weeks where I can try to keep running until the event.

I am really trying to lose these remaining 15 pounds. Then, we will see where I am then. Maybe I can just keep going and see how much weight I can lose. Maybe I can get down to 175 like I want to be.

I'm starting to worry that Ryan is allergic to cats. He sneezes a lot and rubs his eyes a lot too. I really hope his isn't. I would be really, really sad to have to get rid of the cats. A little part of me would die.

Anyway, I guess that's all. I've got babies on the brain even more now. :)

Transitioning to the crib, part deux

2009-08-12T17:17:00.002-05:00

Perhaps I should have mentioned this in the previous post, but Ryan spent his first three months sleeping in a pack-n-play. First, in our room and then around 2 months, we moved the pack-n-play to just outside our door.

When you have to feed a baby every two-three hours, it really is just easier to have him sleeping the room with you, especially when the only other bedroom is downstairs. Stairs that have to be gated off to keep the crazy, hungry cat out during the night.

So, anyway, this is where Ryan has been sleeping. Up until I finally just decided that he's learning to sleep in the crib, right meow.

So, last night, I had a very tired baby on my hands. He took a nap from 6:30 to 7:30 and then went to SLEEP sleep at 8:30. At 9, I put him in the crib and he slept until 11:30. I thought he was hungry, so I put the nook is his mouth and went to make him a bottle. When I came back, he had FALLEN BACK ASLEEP. So, I slowly backed out of his room, put the bottle in the fridge and went back upstairs. He didn't wake up until 4:30. Then, he ate a bunch and went back to sleep until I accidentally got him up at 6:30. I'm looking forward to tomorrow when I can just leave him in the crib, because it's Jake day to watch him.

All the crazy crying: My vote is sleep deprivation. Mom had him sleeping a TON today and she brought him back at 4:30 and he only stayed awake long enough to smile at me a bit and eat 4 ounces. So, he's been napping for about a 1/2 hour now. Which is fine. He'll get up, we'll change him, feed him, burp him and put him back to bed. It will be amazing. I hope.

Now, we just have to get Jake to attempt to put him down every 2 hours, whether it looks like he needs to or not. I hope Jake gets it tomorrow. I think that my mom has finally understood what I have been reading about. Now, we just need to get Jake. :)

I'll keep updating as we go. :)

Transitioning to the crib

2009-08-11T20:31:00.003-05:00

It's about time. I should have done it while I was still home from work, but alas. Lesson learned. The next one will probably be in his/her crib a lot sooner.

So, we started last night and Ryan was still recovering from Sunday, I think, because he went to bed at like 7. And slept only until 12:30. Then, he wanted more food. Then, he sleep until 4am. I got up and fed him just two ounces, hoping that he would just go back to sleep until 6am and then I could get up with him.

Instead, he woke back up at 4:45 and at that point, I was so tired that I just put him in his swing and let him go until whenever. I dragged myself up at 6:30am to get ready for work.

I'm hoping tonight is a bit better. Maybe he will be asleep here by 9 and maybe will sleep until 4. I can hope, right?

I gotta figure out how to get him to sleep through the night. Or what I was doing right before I went back to work. Whatever I was doing then was totally working. If only I could remember.

I read the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby book, and it's got really, really good advice, except for one problem for me: I don't have a baby that has a problem going to sleep right now. I have one that won't stay asleep. DAMNIT! I meant to give him his meds before bed. Shit. Oh well. Whenever he wakes up tonight, I'll give them to him them. dang. Anyway, what?

Oh yeah. I need to read the book again for better advice. Find what I'm looking for. Maybe buy the "No-cry sleep solution" book too. ????????

What else is new and exciting?

Ryan will be three months on Thursday. I can't believe that it's been three months! And if you can't believe that, then you won't believe that I'm ready for number two already...well...not RIGHT this second, but if we are under $3k by March on the credit cards, we'll go ahead and start trying anyway. Really best for the next one to be born in the winter. Preferably in early 2011. That way, insurance is totally worth it for the year. I just want to get this out of the way, for lack of a better term. That way, I can lose all the weight and not worry about whether or not I will be able to lose it all before we try again. I'm just going to try to be back to where I started by the time Ryan is 1. That's only 15 pounds. Small steps. Maybe try for 5 pounds by the end of the year.

Well, I'm going to put Ryan in his crib and pick up a bit around the house before I head up to bed.

Later!

Random

2009-08-01T06:33:00.002-05:00

1. Birthdays:

I was wishing people on Fbook Happy Birthday this morning and it occurs to me that I turn 30 in a few short months. With the whole new baby thing, it has fallen to the back burner a bit.

I'm thinking that a party is probably in order at the house, since A. 30 is pretty big and B. we haven't had a "house warming party" as it were. Even though we have been here for two years.

I will consider it and see what I feel like doing. I suppose that it depends on how Ryan is going with sleeping and stuff. He'll be 5 1/2 months by then, so HOPEFULLY, he'll be a better sleeper than he is now.

2. Sleeping babies:

We've kind of gone backwards a bit with the whole sleep thing this week. He was going to sleep around 8 - 8:30 and sleeping until 4 generally. The past week, it's been a struggle to get him to sleep or stay sleeping -- like he'll fall asleep around 7:30, because he's so tired, but then he's up by 8:30 again, because he's hungry. Then, bottle and back to sleep. Then, back up at 2am for more food. Then, up before 6am, mostly because his diaper is soaked and that is uncomfortable. BLAH!!!

So, I'm tired, because I'm the one who gets up with him.

I've come to the conclusion that this was probably the worst possible timing to have a baby -- Jake has to work so hard in the summer and it was really difficult with Ryan being a newborn in the same time frame. By the time that Ryan is sleeping through the night and napping well, Jake won't be busy darn busy and tired all the time. Oh well. I've kind of started to plan the next one in my head and I'm thinking that Jan - Mar 2011 would be good.

3. F-ing Credit cards:

We'll probably try for the next one just as soon as we get rid of the stupid CC debt. Frickin' credit cards. And we haven't even been billed for Ryan's hospital bills yet. Which is another $1000.00 that we haven't got on our cards yet. I'm not even going to bother telling Jake, because it stresses me out and I don't want to talk about it. Oh well. We'll try our best to survive. A lottery win would be nice too though. :)

4. F-ing cats:

For some reason, the cat (little) jumped right on my face this morning. Causing me scratches and pain and yelling at 12:30am something along the lines of "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!". It hurt!! I have 5 little points from claws and a scratch right on the side of my nose. She didn't come back up to lay with us the rest of the night. I think I scared the crap out of her. I have no idea what the hell was going on. I wonder if she was running around in the dark and just flew up onto the bed and right onto my face. It sucked any way you look at it.

5. Getting rid of the shit in my house:

I really, really, really want to have a garage sale at the end of August to try and get rid of a bunch of our stuff (like sell it). Whatever is still here at the end goes to Goodwill. If we could get a car payment out of it or something, that would be sweet. Plus, there are SO many things that I can think of that I would like to get rid of. It would make me happier. Jake too, prolly. I started going through books upstairs in the bedroom. I want to put stuff somewhere when I decide that it will be apart of this garage sale, but where, I don't know. Maybe the Corolla will sit in the driveway for a couple of weeks and I'll borrow the tables from my parents and just put boxes on them, in the garage. I'll have to be careful, because I don't want stuff to start living in there. A couch from downstairs is also going -- the brown peacock one that I brought with us from college that Mariel left me. If we could make $200 - $300, that would be perfect for me. More is better. Less is okay, but I'm kind of hoping to get a car payment out of this. Or water bill payments to the city.

Well, I suppose that I should think about taking a shower and getting ready for the day. Jake will be up soon and he usually gets ready and runs away. I think that I'm going to attempt to go to the bank and close our savings account and open a new goal savings for Ryan and another just to have. He's sleeping right now. If he wakes up around 8 am, I will probably try to run up there around 9am, because then he'll be awake, but will have eaten. It's all about timing.

"2 month" check up and other things

2009-07-24T14:22:00.002-05:00

Ryan had his 2 month check up today -- and let's face. 2 months sailed two weeks ago.

But, that's okay. She's got a busy practice. My next appt is 4 months, almost on the nose. Hmm...I wonder if that's okay for his next round of shots. I should ask.

But, it went as well as could be expected. He had 4 shots. He didn't like them. He cried, very pitifully. I felt terrible. But, he's better now.

He's 12 pounds on the nose and 23 1/2 inches long. Still long and skinny-ish. Quite a big boy now though. Now, we just have to work on those tummy times, getting him to lift that head and roll over. We kind of stunted him by not doing tummy times consistently when he was younger. But, she showed me how to teach him to roll over, so maybe he will learn that faster.

So, 60% for weight and 75% for height. He's good. He gets Tylenol every 4 hours for the next 24.

And, I didn't have to go back to work!

Speaking of work, they accidentally pulled too much money out of my paycheck, so I am supposed to be getting a check cut to me today for the difference. SWEET! $220 too much -- so I'm all about that. And I don't owe anything more for benefits, which is okay with me too. AND, I can keep the AFLAC insurance for our next baby. Because, $2000 free dollars -- I'm ALL about that. :)

Well..."Free"

But, I don't have the check yet. Which is dumb. Fedex hasn't been here yet, but I don't really know if they got my money out the door yesterday -- maybe it will not be here until tomorrow.

Well, I'm off to finish my project in our bedroom to get rid of books that I don't really care too much about, but want to keep. And here I go!

Decisions

2009-07-18T17:44:00.003-05:00

Today, just now, while trying to keep Ryan calm -- he's been up a lot today and screaming a lot -- I decided a few things, which I hopefully will accomplish over the next year (god, I just wrote week! I wish!)

First:
1. Lose at least 50 pounds, if not 75.
Okay, I know this is really, really difficult, but I need to do it. I still have 15 pounds of preggo weight sitting on my frame and I probably could have lost 50 then. So, 50 to 75 anyway. I would like to be a normal size with room to spare the next time I am going to get preggo, so I have some room to get "fat".
I'm not really sure how I am going to do this, but I may go talk to my doctor, since I am having some other body problems and ask how I go about doing this task. My other body problems I think are cysts in my wrist and knee, both on the right side. The wrist doesn't hurt, it just looks like I have a bone in the wrong place. The knee hurts when I kneel on it and that sucks.
But, I know that I will need to do SOME sort of hard core exercise, I'm just not sure what. And I'd like to talk to a nutritionist, I think, to see what would be healthy to eat. I try weight watchers, but I have a tendency to not eat very healthy with WW. I can't follow the points thing anymore. In college, it was okay, but not now for me. I really need to be told what to eat. :)

Whoops. Jake and I both gave Ryan his meds within a 2 hour period. He'll be fine. Maybe he needed the double dose. :)

Anyway, I've been eating salads and stuff for lunch everyday, to trying to kick stuff my self, but, I really need to fit a aerobic activity that I enjoy -- running just isn't my thing, unfortunately. So, I've gotta find something. Rollerblading is out.
Here's why:

It's June 2005. I've been in River Falls for a month, by myself, while Jake is working in EC for the rest of the summer and I've started my crappy job at US Bank. I decide one night after work to go rollerblading around the area, to keep up what I had been doing in EC before the wedding. So, I put on my shorts and tank top and head out from the apartment. The apartment building is on a big ass hill, but I think that I will be fine. About half way down, I realize that I am in deep shit. So, I try to make it across the street and onto the grass of the people across the street. About 2 feet before I make the grass, my feet come out from under me and I land ass, elbows and head onto the pavement and SLIDE for a good foot on the pavement. There was a grease mark for MONTHS after. So, I crawled onto the grass, praying that nobody saw me do that, because I didn't have ANY clue what I was going to do at that point. I have NO idea what I look like, but I know that I hurt. I go back up the hill, into the apartment and call Jake, hyserical. I could barely talk. He hightailed it from EC to RF (which is an hour) and I laid on my stomach on our bed and tried not to think about it. My elbows were both bloody, my brain hurt and my butt was one big case of road rash. Jake did his place to clean me up and we went up to Hudson to find some bandages for me, but I was in rough shape. I woke up in the middle of the night that night and felt like I was going to fall over.

I couldn't go to work the next day, because I could barely sit. I had to go to the medical clinic in RF and I saw the doctor. Well, first the nurse took my temperature which was 102. My body was so traumatized, I actually had a fever. Crazy! They prescribed some medicines and treatments and sent me on my way. I spent that day laying on the couch at home. It took a good week or two for my butt to heal -- I remember showing my parents around the 4th of July in Green Bay what my rear looked like -- RIDIC!! My elbows took longer and the scabs ended up coming off at some point, so I have scars now from it. And a terrible fear of rollerblading. I tried in Tosa when we lived in the apartment there, but no go. Too nervous. The end.

And that's why rollerblading doesn't fly anymore. Too bad for that. I loved rollerblading around the bike path.

I guess I could take up biking, but I would need a new bike stat. Maybe for my birthday, but get it early -- like now, before winter hits. In the winter, I can always walk on the treadmill. I'll talk to Jake about it.

2. pay off our stupid credit cards -- they are a little ridic. The Cap One, we need to pay off before January 1st, because we have no interest for a year, but if we haven't paid it off by then, all the interest will accrue, which would be bad. The US Bank one isn't so bad, but paying it off is a slow process. So, we'll give it a year. Hopefully, this time next year, there will be less than $500.

I think that's it for now. those are sizable enough, I think.

My "Clever" Ideas

2009-07-13T21:19:00.002-05:00

the quotes are to insert Jake's opinion.

I have the great idea that we sell the house, get rid of all our stupid crap that we don't need and move into an apartment to save money. Then I don't have to work. ha ha!

Okay, it's not realistic.

I was talking with a friend this weekend and found out that Nathan Hale is actually a decent school...so, it might be worth just buying a bigger house right in the area where we are -- as long as it has room for a pool and has a fireplace. And a good kitchen. And a basement. Not too much to ask, right? Or, we could just add on to the house we have too. It's worth thinking about. We're not really going to move for at least 2 years. But, I like to plan ahead.

I think that my nesting is happening post-pregnancy. I think the house is so dirty and gross all the time, it drives me crazy. So, taking my dad's advice, since he just emptied out his house, pretty much, I decided that I'm going to find all the clothes that I have been meaning to give away and go through them all, to enter them into ItsDeductable to put them on next year's taxes. Once all the extra clothes are gone, I am moving onto the other random crap in the house. I want to get rid of half of the crap that we have, at least. And the brown couch. Once Ryan gets more big boy toys, etc, we will need the room, definitely.

Anyway, I should probably go to bed. I have to get up some time tonight with the baby, I'm sure.

It wasn't as bad as I thought!

2009-07-09T16:44:00.003-05:00

I got up with Ryan at 4:30 this morning and he fell back to sleep long enough for me to shower and get stuff ready to take with me. Jake got up around 6:45 and I was out the door at 7. I wasn't even upset. Ryan slept fairly well last night, so that helped.

However, Jake had kind of a rough day with him. He pooped his diaper full, threw up and had a bath (for said throw up) all before 8 am! Jake did take him over to the Tosa store to meet them, since we didn't have a chance to do that before. Then, around 3pm, Ryan was SCREAMING!!! at him and he called to check with me to make sure he hadn't forgotten to do something. People at work could hear him screaming over the phone! Whoops! But, Jake just put the green soothie paci in his mouth and he took that like his life depended on it. Now, he's sleeping. I did get my dinner (salad with blueberries) and I have crackers if I am hungry later (which I will be). So, I'm just hanging out until he's awake again. Which, he probably will be shortly, since it's almost 5pm. He looks destroyed though. I hope he wakes up fairly soon, so i can feed him, change him and get him to sleep for the night.

Mom's first day tomorrow -- 7am (bright and early for her!). Jake just needs someone here, so he can finish getting ready for work.

Work was fine. No big deal. Just fell right back into step. I'll be taking all my work back tomorrow and figuring it out, so I can really go on Monday. The other ladies in my group all have time off this month, so I need to get up to speed pretty quickly.

I am hoping that Ryan will sleep until 5am for me -- 4:30 is just a might bit too early. I'm really tired right now and I have to keep going with him until he goes down for the night OR Jake gets home. He's sort of twitching, so I don't think it will be too long. And if I panic, I can always call my dad to see if he will come over.

Anyway, that's all for now. I'm off to finish my internets before he wakes up!

And here we are...

2009-07-08T21:26:00.003-05:00

Back to work tomorrow. I'm not sure why I'm still up now. Prolly trying to stave off the inevitable. Tomorrow will come, no matter if I'm ready or not.

I got all my stuff ready to go, pretty much. New pics to take back with me and other random stuff.

We'll see how it goes. I'll prolly cry a bit. I know I will. I cry at lots of things now. It's ridic. These hormones need to go away!

I'm sure I'll have more to bitch about tomorrow, after the day is over.

Cross your fingers for me. I'm going to bed.

Gearing up...

2009-07-06T06:39:00.003-05:00

to go back to work!!! WAAAAAH!!!

I'm really not looking forward to it. From what the girls say, the new system that I have to remember how to use makes work go much, much faster. Like, they are finishing at noon, even with me not there. Oh boy. That's not good. We'll see what happens. Part of me is thinking of maybe just getting a job at Quad Graphics and working second shift or something. Then, I can walk to work and spend more time with Ryan. Especially since I think that Dad won't be working at our work much longer and I was not loving the place before I left.

Oh well. My first two days back are Thursday and Friday and I'm sure that those two days will be spent resetting passwords and reading emails from two months. I think that I'll be ready to go on Monday.

Ryan is quickly closing in 2 months and everything they say is true -- babies fussiness ramps up until 6 weeks and then it starts to drop off. It really is true. Ryan has gotten a lot better in the past week and a half. I'm not sure if we're just dealing better or if he's getting better -- probably both. And the past couple of days, he's started to sleep longer and take more naps during the day. Last night, he slept 6 1/2 hours at once! YAY!! Of course, I couldn't fall asleep until 10pm, despite being insanely tired. I think I was a bit overtired.

We were at Jim and Loni's new house, which was really, really nice. Makes me want to move right now and find a bigger house. With a pool. Jake now wants a pool. I know that they are difficult to keep up with, but that's okay. It's totally worth it in the summer. I have always wanted a pool, so this is really a good step in the right direction. And in theory, we could put one at the current house, BUT, the house is too small, so no deal. Jake's friend Kenny is selling his house, which has a pool, but it's a small pool and it's WAY over in Glendale. IDK. Maybe. I'd have to look at it again. I'd rather get something out in the sticks a bit more. Maybe out toward Sussex.

I really did want to move into Tosa before Ryan (and whoever else) was in school, but everything that I am reading about the Tosa schools does not make me feel like it's worth it anymore. I'm thinking that New Berlin (just going west and a bit south) would be good OR going out to Sussex area would be good. New Berlin might be more affordable. Well, I will probably be calling our real estate agent this winter and see what she thinks we might have to do to get the house sold quickly. It is a really nice house, but it is just so tiny. If we could do what my parents did and rip the roof off and slap on a new second story, with another bedroom and maybe two bathrooms -- one for a master suite and one to have and THEN a walk in closet, and add that pool, I would stay. But, I bet we could find a house like that for cheaper by selling and buying a new house, you know?

Oh well, they are just thoughts for the future. Maybe the nearer future. I would really like to move before we have another kid. Or before we even try for another. So, let's move now. ha ha! :)

Time to eat some breakfast, since the boy is sleeping.

I should really just get used to the 5 AM wakeup

2009-07-01T05:15:00.002-05:00

because in another week, that's probably when I'll be getting up. Especially since I doubt that Ryan will be sleeping throught the night yet. Unless a miracle happens. He sleeps pretty well from 8pm to about 3am (he will just wake up once in this time frame and eat for 10 mins or so and then back to sleep). After 3 am, all bets are off. I've never had him sleep past 5am, where I didn't have to get up, take him downstairs and swing him. Like now. And even then, he's grunting and squeaking in his sleep, because he's trying to fart and is not having an easy time of it. Poor baby.

I'm sure he'll have his daily poo this morning too, which is sort of what I am waiting for...

Fart, fart. Squeak. That's my morning so far.

We have plans to go back to Summerfest today. I did not get to look around on Sunday at anything, because my parents didn't want to leave until 1pm and then Ryan was being a hand full right up until Jake started to play. Then, he feel asleep for a couple of hours, but I was kind of stuck listening where I was until 4:30. Then, eating took place. Then, we left. I did get a t-shirt on Sunday, but I didn't get to do my usual look around of the whole grounds. So, I want to go back.

I was seeing what my dad was up to, but I think that he's going with work people, since he was trying to get me a ticket from work. He didn't say that specifically, up I inferred it from what he told me.

Fart fart fart. Squeal. Fart. Grunt. Squeak. Squeal.

So, Jake is going to leave work around 2 and we're going to head down together with Ryan. We'll probably try to meet Dad down there. They have a pretty good ticket deal today -- I just have to go back and buy another (hopefully) non-winning Summerfest lottery ticket. I guess if I win, I buy another, until I don't win anymore. Unfortunately, my mom isn't coming over today, because she's going to the baseball game, and Ryan is already pissing me off. I do everything I can think of and half the time, he is still screaming. I really hate it.

So, now he's crying, so I'll try something new. When I came downstairs, he was sleeping. Fucking jerk.

Sleep is a pipe dream

2009-06-25T05:51:00.002-05:00

No, really. Pipe dream.

Currently, I have been awake since 3:30am. I'm not sure how we get this baby to sleep during the night, instead of during the day. I really should be sleeping now, but it seems like the instant I lay down to sleep, the boy is awake. He knows....

I am really up because I was hungry, so I was eating some strawberries.

I spent most of yesterday working on some stuff for Brooke's shower on Saturday. I figured out how to make cut out chocolate chip cookies. I will share the secret soon. I also made the fondant hearts that I need for the cake. I hope that I made enough. I may need to make more today, so they can dry overnight. I still have oreo truffles to make (those are easy!) and more cookies to make (again, easy). I boiled my eggs for the deviled eggs and will probably make everything here and finish it in Luxemburg.

I also found M&Ms that are close to Brooke's color (turquoise), and so I bought $20 worth and made little tulle bags with M&Ms in them and tied them with turquoise ribbon. I will post pics, if I remember.

I also did a bunch of cleaning yesterday. There's more to go, but it can wait until next week.

I am going to the baseball game today and I don't really want to. I would rather just send Ryan with my mom (which was the original plan) and have the day to myself to get stuff done, but alas...

It should be fun, I am just tired. So, they'd better win and make it worth it.

I will probably make the truffle part of the oreo truffles before I go to the game and then coat them afterward. I need to test my coating with them to make sure it is okay. I may need to get white chocolate and dye that instead. I think the candy coating I have is vanilla. Which could turn out okay.

Okay, I'm going to attempt to go back to sleep for a bit this morning. I have a feeling, like I said, the instant I lay down to sleep, Ryan will wake back up. He really needs his medicine, but I'd rather let him sleep.

Oh, woe is me! :)

Resting Baby, Peaceful Baby

2009-06-19T21:31:00.002-05:00

So, Ryan ended up going to the doctor's office today and getting some meds for reflux. We gave him a dose around 6:30 and then he had some dinner until 7. He's been sleeping since. Really sleeping. He hasn't woken up once crying and/or screaming in the middle of sound sleep. I feel relieved for him.

We give him what amounts to Zantac three times a day, before he eats (or while he's eating).

Unfortunately, work did not turn my paperwork in on time and BCBS doesn't have him in their system yet, even though work has Ryan listed as a dependent. So, the prescription is $92.00. Which is doable. I'm a little frustrated with work for not turning stuff in on time for me. Very frustrated. Plus, they were emailing me at my work email, which I haven't checked (until today) for 2 months. The benefits person in FL claimed she didn't get my faxed paperwork, but my benefits are updated, so someone found them at some point. I know that the claims will be back dated to the date of service and he's covered since May 13, 2009, but I'm still frustated that now I have to tell the billing area at the pedi's office to hold off on sending claims until they get him in the system, or they will end up resubmitting everything.

Sometimes I hate insurance companies...

I am very happy about my sleeping baby. His little eyes were just red rimmed all the time -- like he couldn't get enough sleep all the time. So, we shall see what this does. Even if it cuts the screaming in half, it's totally worth every penny.

In other news, my little eating monster weighs NINE POUNDS SEVEN OUNCES!!!! He's gained close to 3 pounds since May 27th. That's ridic. Totally ridic. I'm very happy that he's gained a good amount of weight, but that's probably a little too much. And the doctor said that we may have to go to a bit more regemented on the eating and only feed him 3-4 ounces every 3 hours, just to slow down the eating. The poor baby wanted to eat all the time, to calm the acid -- like if you ever have drunk milk for heartburn. Poor little guy.

So, hopefully, his weight gain will slow down now, with the meds. I have my real doctor's appt on Monday with my pedi (I saw the doctor filling in for her today) and he has to get his next hepB shot. Poor little guy.

Well, I really need to go to bed now. Or at least go to sleep.

Crazy Storms and Overtired Babies

2009-06-19T07:46:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, our little screamapillar was back. He hasn't been around in a couple of weeks. He's still sort of around, but I am starting to think that he might be a little sick with something...his little head is SOOO warm -- I've not felt it that warm before. But, I don't have a good thermometer to take his temp right now and I'm not going to subject him and me to a rectal temperature taking. Besides, that will probably cause him to poop on me or something.

However, I am mostly thinking that he was just having a bad day yesterday. He was definitely overtired, because he didn't get his regular naps in yesterday in the morning or the afternoon...and he didn't fall asleep until almost 10pm last night. He was pretty good all night. And he's farting, so gas can't be too terrible for him.

The only other thing that I can think of is that he might have a little bit of silent reflux. He had reflux right when he was born, but most babies have that. But, he's been a little more "spitty" than usual the past couple of days. Among other things.

Then, the thunderstorms! They don't bother him -- he gets more fussy about his diaper and eating -- but they were loud! There was a crack of thunder that had to be right over our house last night. Lighting was impressive too. And there's water in the basement -- well, really, there was. Now, there's just wet carpets and a few wet boxes. I have to go turn on fans later today, to dry everything out. We really need to think about actually regrading the house, so the water runs away totally. We're on a hill, so it shouldn't be too bad with the water.

I got my hairs cut yesterday -- it's pretty short. Check out my facebook for pics! :)

Happiest Baby on the Block

2009-06-17T01:09:00.002-05:00

OMFG...most amazing book evah!

So, yeah, if I know that you are having a baby (whoever "you" is), you are totally getting this book from me. I wish I had had it right from the beginning. I bought it from Target yesterday and I have had a pretty content baby since I read it.

Of course, I did change his formula back, so that is probably a contributing factor as well.

But, the book has a really great method for calming colicky, fussy babies, which works even for my mildly colicky baby. The basic theory is that babies, due to having to have a large head to contain a large brain to survive infancy, are born about three months too early and have to go through this period of the "fourth trimester". They aren't really ready to live outside the womb, but if we were preggo 12 months instead of 9, babies wouldn't fit through the pelvic opening because of their heads. It's a squeeze at 9 months, you know? So, the whole idea to surviving the first 12 weeks with any baby is to imitate the womb as much as possible, after their other needs are met (eating, changing, etc.).

I have to re-read my copy of the book, because I just sped through it yesterday afternoon, getting the main points. Now, I have to go back and gleen the finer details. However, right now, it's 1:15am, so I should probably go back to sleep.

The trouble with formula...

2009-06-16T09:50:00.001-05:00

So, I was thinking that Ryan was a little too fussy and gassy on the Good Start Gentle Plus, so I changed to Enfamil Gentlease last week. He proceeded to have a really good day on Friday -- was farting all day, had a good poop, etc. Then, Saturday rolled up. Good lord -- he hasn't been this screamy since the breastmilk.

So, basically, fuck Enfmail. Besides, Nestle sends me $11 coupons. I have big plans to run to Target this morning, as soon as Ryan goes to sleep long enough to let me shower, and get a can of Good Start again. I will probably try to find a can of the Protect Plus, which has some cultures in it and stuff, and see if that will help with anything, but if I can't find that, I'm just going back to what we had and good from there.

I wish there was a way to flush out his system to get all the stuff that's making him feel yucky before I start the stuff that he was okay with. And if I have to run to Target unshowered, then I do. I won't be the end of the world. I'm going to have to run in sweatpants anyway. It's the only pants that I have that aren't maternity jeans.

I tried to go to Old Navy and buy bigger stuff yesterday, so the only good thing were said sweatpants. so, I need to get working out. Jeez.

But, I just don't know what to do for this gassy baby. I wish he could just have a gigantic poop plus fart. That would be awesome. Even if we were in public. I'd be okay with that. I just got a burp out of him, so maybe that will help.

I also finally figured out how to get his cloth diapers on him, so I think that we're done with the disposables now. I need to put in the big insert, instead of the newborn, because his legs are so skinny. This creates the bulk needed to get the elastic around his legs tight. He looks a little ridic, but they fit now, so I'm okay with it. ha ha!

Okay, he's quiet for now, so I'm going to hit the shower before he decides that he's going to scream more.

WAAAAY overtired

2009-06-11T10:02:00.002-05:00

I hate it when I get overtired AND Jake is overtired the same night. Makes me want to smother my child. Okay, not really, but it's really hard spending 24 hours a day with him. If we didn't have Jake's parents around the week of the 4th of July, I might just go back to work on June 25th, since I'll be cleared to return on the 24th. But, I'll take all the time that I wanted to take. We'll make it through.

Dang it, he's awake again! Jake got him to sleep around 8 and now he's alive again. Darn it. Oh well, I suppose that I should feed him again. He didn't have much between 6 and 8 and he's probably fairly hungry. I'll just have to wait until he's yelling at me to get him up. Sometimes, he just grunts for a while and then goes back to sleep.

I think that I've decided that I want to put peony bushes where the rose bushes are out front. I just don't want the rose buses around that much. Maybe. I'm not sure. Seems like a lot of work right now.

Okay, he's getting to the point where he's really awake. Off I go!

New baby, new life, NEW LOOK!

2009-06-09T15:58:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I am combining everything here. I even made a fancy banner. It doesn't look amazing?! :)

I really do have to thank Julia for pointing me toward the website where I got the new template -- but, I only found the website because I did "view source" on her webpage to see if I could figure out where she got the template. I think that I may have picked the same one.

I'll be adding lots of fun, fancy things as I can. :)

Thinking of combining everything together...

2009-06-04T17:56:00.002-05:00

Since my life as a pregnant person is done for now, I was thinking of combining my blogs, while leaving the pregnancy once for posterity. What I really should do is print out all my posts and put them in Ryan's baby book, so we have them for always. So I have them for always.

My life and my life as a mom are pretty much one and the same now, so I guess I could just go with this blog and do some updating. Maybe I will do it in bits and pieces, of course. Having Ryan does not always equal a lot of time to get things done, you know?

Poor Ryan is slumped over with his head equally slumped over right now. I should probably go fix him. There, all fixed. Hopefully, he will sleep for an hour to two. He seems like he's going to be awake, which is FINE with me -- it means that he sleeps tonight, which means that I sleep tonight!

He's definitely getting a bath tonight. He's peed on himself 3 times today and pooped on himself once. A bath is in order. Plus, it seems to calm him down to go to sleep for more hours than just 2.

Having a baby is definitely a TON of work, and I do miss my life previous to having him, but you have to get the new "normal" and go with that. I still am the same person I was before, but now I have this little person that I have to take care of who depends on me. I'm not too used to such a thing -- having someone really dependent on me for all their needs, but it's slowly getting to the point where I am adapting.

I am actually really surprised that I don't have PPD -- I thought for sure that I would have it. I definitely had the baby blues, but I am doing pretty good. Having a happy baby is a plus and really helps with the blues too. Some days are harder than others and nighttime is really hard for both Jake and I -- we were REALLY used to sleeping for a long time and neither of us handle it well some days.

I'm going to stop by work tomorrow to show him to everyone and also to fax some paperwork to Jacksonville, FL (which is where my work HQ is). I know that I'll have to take him around everywhere, so I'll probably be there for a while. Oh well. Dad will want to show off his grandson to everyone. I should probably just bring him in the stoller, so I don't have to carry him around the whole time tomorrow.

4 years!

2009-05-28T07:39:00.002-05:00

Jake and I have been married for 4 years today! Holy crap! And due to Ryan's recent arrival, I barely remembered that today was our anniversary. I doubt very much that it's even on Jake's radar. That's okay. He'll feel guilty.

Ryan is very awake this morning...

I can't believe that it's been 4 years. Seems long and short, like always. I'm already making plans for 5 years next year, when Ryan is 1 and can handle a weekend with Grandma and Grandpa while Mom and Dad maybe take a weekend trip somewhere fun. We'll, I'm dreaming of doing that anyway. Making plans might be stretching it.

I'm trying to think of something simple to get Jake today, but I don't know if anything will come to me. Once mom gets here this morning and I get a nap in, I'll probably take an hour and run over to Target and then to the grocery store by myself. And it will probably be amazing. But, I should probably make sure that Ryan has something to eat while I'm gone. Just in case he freaks out hungry while I'm out.

I wish I had more to say on this day about marriage and all that, but my mind is totally destroyed by baby stuff. And by baby stuff, I mean, lack of sleep. Being married is good. The first year in the hardest (especially if you haven't lived together before) and after you get past that first year, things seem to get easier, IMO. But, Jake and I lived through the most ridiculous first year any couple could have probably have. So, after that, everything seems easier, no matter what, because it's not as bad as Fall 2005 through Spring 2006.

I'd really like to go to upper Michigan next year. I've never been up that way, and it looks pretty good. Plus, they have cherries. :)

I'll update here too!

2009-05-22T07:09:00.002-05:00

So, I did get a good chunk of wedding invites done before Ryan arrived. I have the invite part glued into the fold-y part and glued the jewel decorations on each. I also printed out the enclosure tops and the RSVP card and all of that is stamped.

I just need to wait until June to get the final information for the invites and finish printing and getting them together. Which is good, because I don't think that I would have been able to do this, if it would have been needed to be finished sooner that the beginning of July.

My STD insurance is odd, but they are paying me. I'm just not sure for how much -- probably four weeks and then 3 prorated days, it seems. They said I'm approved from May 25th to June 24th. Which is like four full working weeks, plus a day or two. We'll see what I get paid for.

I guess I don't get my first check until the 15th of June, except I'm pretty sure that the note said my first check was being sent on June 5th, so who knows! It's all a mystery. But, if you managed to go three weeks overdue on this insurance, you would be paid for a lot longer. Today is the last day of my 21 day elimination period, which is why I start getting paid Monday. However, since I didn't give birth until May 13th, there's extra play in the numbers, seemingly. Like I said, we'll see what happens.

So, when I was home Wednesday (the 13th) with my early labor pains, our neighbor's garage was broken into and I heard the assholes doing it -- I just thought it was our neighbor messing around, since it was right around the time he usually leaves. I did ask Jake about his door and Jake did go shut it before he left for work that day and managed to scare whoever was stealing stuff, but they still got away with a ton. I felt really badly about it -- any other day and I would have been all over that like stink on a monkey. Sigh.

Okay, I really need to get a move on the day and then probably take a nap.

Time off from work is good

2009-05-07T14:48:00.003-05:00

I like being home. I wish I could be home all the time. That would be sweet. My mom and Jake are not going to want to do that trade off thing forever, so maybe it's worth the investment to try and have me stay home for him (and whatever other children may come along).

I am thinking of maybe taking courses in medical transcription and doing that from home part time, for extra money. And maybe, if it was worth it, working full time at home.

I would like to find a job that I'm not an independent contractor for, like my mom. That's too much. I would want a job where I was an employee.

But, we'll see. The program I found online that a girl I knew from college did (which I should ask her about) is $3000 and comes with a free lappy, which would be sweet. I certainly couldn't use my Mac, but if I was doing that sort of thing, I would want a separate lappy anyway.

The one my Mom did is $3800 and does not feature a free lappy. But, her program was very good and very hard.

So, I'm just not sure. I feel like maybe I should just do traditional classes for that sort of thing too. IDK. Just something I'm thinking about while I'm at home. Maybe I'll go do some more research right meow.

Got nothing better to do.

UPS tried to deliver the rest of Brooke's wedding invite stuff, but we were at the doctor. They will try again tomorrow, but I am thinking of just going to pick it up tonight. Better to have it in hand, since this is the biggest part of the order.

Okay, off to do more things.

Summer...to Spring? ish?

2009-04-25T14:49:00.003-05:00

So, our gutters on the north side were clogged. Again. For the second year in a row.

So, how many times will it take us to remember to clean out the gutters on the first nice day we have in the Spring?

Next year, I hope I will remember standing out in the pouring rain, under an umbrella, holding the ladder for Jake while he tries to clean out said gutter. It was cold. And I was wet. Plus, he tried using the hose to spray the crap through, which it was too clogged for and then he threw the hose on the ground still on, which I proceeded to accidentally spray myself with.

Whoops!

In other news, the Brewers have been good the last three games and it makes me happy! I def enjoy the games more when they win. As is true with most things in life -- when you win at things, life is better. ha ha!

I also started and finished my last mock-up for Brooke's wedding invites. I want to have most everything sitting here and waiting for me to print out and cut and paste together when I'm home for 9 weeks, just watching a baby. So, I think that I have most of it completed -- there are a few things here and there that I need more information for, but I can still ask for that and go to town. I think that I'm going to have to take the printer upstairs, because it's kind of loud and if it keeps waking the baby up, that will piss me off. Or I could go downstairs. Either way.

I think that they are pretty cool, BTW. I wish that I would have done something like this for mine, but that's okay. They are def more formal that causal, but when the wedding is a church wedding plus reception at a different venue, I think that calls for a more formal invite. They are also simpler -- I don't have the tools to do something more elaborate, you know? if I had a super nice printer and a good graphic design program, I could potentially make something more fancy. I'd need a lot of practice and learning for the design part though. Maybe someday, I'll take the time to learn. I guess I could use GIMP, but it's SO not user friendly. Too bad Photoshop is so DANG expensive!

I almost wish it would be something I could do for a living -- making wedding invites, but I don't have enough graphic design background to do really cool things. I wish I did. Oh well. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. :) For now. I can dream! :)

Easter Fun!

2009-04-13T17:17:00.002-05:00

Okay, most of my fun is derived from eating at this juncture, so this post will be devoted solely to the amazingness that is brunch at Brocach Irish Pub.

They have two locations -- one in Mad-town, which is kind of a dark little hole in the side of a building, very close to Monona Terrace (which means that next time you're at State Music Convention, it's probably worth a stop by) and the second in downtown Milwaukee. The Milwaukee is much, MUCH lighter and brighter than Mad-town and it's in a developing area right on the river on the slight north side. It's about 1800 Water St. If you know where Trocadero is, then, Brocach is about two blocks up.

The menus are different at both places and I DEF prefer the Milwaukee brunch menu -- more choices that don't involve meat. I like meat, but sometimes I like a good mushroom. Like yesterday. Biscuits with mushroom gravy for me!

It was a giant butter biscuit, cut in half and covered with mushroom gravy, two scrambled eggs (or whatever choice of egg you like), and potatoes. It was SO good! If only I could have had the mimosa with brunch. It was a real one too -- Trocadero last year made theirs with WINE and OJ. Wine? Really? Where's the champagne baby?

I can't wait to go back again for brunch. I don't know when that will be, but it will be sometime, for sure.

I totally could have eaten all of my food at breakfast, but I saved half the biscuit and three potatoes to take home. And I had them for lunch today at work. Guess what?! It was still JUST as amazing as when it was cooked. You know how gravy can separate a bit? Not this gravy. Oh my gosh. I'm drooling just thinking about it now.

So, anyway, it's a little pricey, but it's not any worse than, say, Red Lobster. Plus, it's much more delicious.

Pet Peeves

2009-03-31T20:05:00.002-05:00

I will just say that the misspelling of a proper noun (specifically a NAME) is liek at the top of my list.

that is all.

Less grumpy post

2009-03-21T14:26:00.002-05:00

Okay, just trying to get my big ole complaining post off of here.

Plus, Nims is here and it's totally AWESOME!!!

I had another week from hell at work. I mean, I get paid overtime and stuff, but it still sucks shit. Especially when you are working your butt off and your boss acts like you're in her office bothering her every 5 mins about everything. F that.

Luckily, I already had a half day planned yesterday, to watch basketball and hang out with Nimbies, which was very much needed. Jake has a thing that I have to take him to on Monday, so I have a half day MOnday too. Unfortunately, I have to work 4 hours on Sunday to make up the time. And, freaking boss had her door closed, so I couldn't bring the stupid laptop home to just work at home. So, I have to go in and work at my desk. Which is really okay, because sometimes that's easier.

Plus, Jake is going to help Jim and Loni move tomorrow and since I'm relatively useless in that area nowadays and I have to make up time, I'll just go to work and get it done. I'm not sure if I will work all 4 hours tomorrow or if I will use other time to make up for an hour or so. I don't know. We'll see how I feel about it when I get there.

We watched teh Marquette game yesterday and then went over to feed my parents' cat and then went to Red Lobster, which was sweet. We only go there when Nims is in town. And it's always delicious. They drank booze and such. I couldn't stay up for the Wisconsin game, which was sad, because I missed the really good games last night.

Okay, so there was a little complaining there, but not too bad. And it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to. ha ha! :)

Le sigh

2009-03-12T19:54:00.002-05:00

So, finally, I have my wedding album back. And now, I can write my letter to them, expressing my disgust with their professionalism, service, quality, etc. etc. So, if you're getting married in the Greater EC area (or know ANYONE who is) DO NOT use Van Helden Photography. Under any circumstances. Spread the word.

They fucked up everything possible -- the guy was using a digital camera for the FIRST time on our wedding -- and they didn't even offer us a discount or a deal, since he was learning to use digital photography instead of the regular kind of camera. The woman was fine -- she had used the digital camera before. The proofs -- and they took 800 pictures (I know, b/c I asked) -- were only 250 or so and they were really the best they took and some of them were TERRIBLE. Blurry on the edges, some were completely out of focus. Which if he took two seconds, he would have noticed and taken a second pic.

Finally, when we did order pics from them, the prints (which were upwards of $5) had a stupid orange line on them, which they did manage to eliminate. But, too much money, too much time, too much effort on my part. 3.5 years is WAY too long to complete a wedding album. Which, as almost a final insult to me, they ordered the wrong fucking color. It's ivory with gold trim. We wanted the white, which would have matched our proof album.

Luckily, we have a good scanner and photo printer now, so I don't have to order pics ever again from them.

And I pretty much have plans to just disassemble the album they sent and make my own. The pictures that I picked I really love, but the ivory is horrible! I might still take her to work tomorrow, just to show people. Why not? I'm only having a baby in the next month and a half. Why not show off my wedding pics? ha ha.

So, long story, short: Find a friend or a smaller operation that gives you your proofs on DVD or CD, so you can print your own. And doesn't cost $1300.00. I have always said I would have rather given $1300.00 to Amy Bowen and had her do our photography. Or, do better research and make sure that the style of the photographer is something that gels with your style. And if you want something REALLY cool, check out the blog on the side, entitled "A Life in Transition". This is a friend in town, Julia, who makes wedding albums like books for a very reasonable price. I believe her business is J.Lorene Design. I don't know if she's taking new orders right now, but kept it in mind for the future. :)

Photos were one of my most important things I wanted for my wedding and I totally made a snap decision. Still, service and satisfaction are everything. And I really shouldn't have to DEMAND that the people return my photos after trading emails for 2 YEARS.

So, le sigh.

This, seriously, has been the LONGEST week ever. I swear the full moon was out to get me this week. I had one crazy thing at work after another. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday. I'm thrilled about that. :)

Nims is coming down for basketball a week from tomorrow. That means basketball, Red Lobster and totally sweet times. I even took at half day on the 20th to hang out, since if def will not be a snow storm this year. I can tell. I'm sure it will be, like, warm and 60. Maybe. That would be sweet.

Not much else going on. I just want to rage about the wedding album, because it was ivory. And I'm good at raging nowadays. All those horomones. :)

Always a Bride, never a bridesmaid (matron?)...

2009-02-28T07:19:00.002-06:00

Until now.

Because I get to be in Brookie's wedding, which I am very excited about. And she picked out a fabulous dress last night, which I LOVE!!! It's totally better than any dress I had looked at so far. Click here and pick the blue/black combination.

It's really "I just had a baby" friendly, plus, it will look cute on the skinnier girls too, I think. IDK, I have plans to go look in person. I can't really try it on right now. It wouldn't make sense. We might just have to visit GB sometime soon and I'll drag Kristine down to Appleton to look at said dress.

Plus, Brooke is going to let me make her invites (as a gift, of course). I have several ideas (side note: I just got kicked in the ass from the inside) already, but it really involves buying things, which I should wait a bit on that. However, I'm thinking that it would be good to have everything that I will need by June 1, so I can get to work in the times that Ryan is sleeping.

Well, it's a good Saturday. I slept pretty well and there's LOTS of day to get stuff done today. :)

Random Thoughts

2009-02-21T07:49:00.003-06:00

It occurred to me today, while on my daily perusal of F-book that I turn frickin' THIRTY this year. Geezus.

Thank god that I'll be able to drink. I certainly couldn't drink last year. And really all I did for my birthday was lay on my parents couch and eat the first real food that I'd eaten in a very long time. I was just glad not to feel like death for once.

I think my birthday is on a Tuesday this year? Or Monday? Mondays suck. And I can't even take it off, because I have no time left. Well, I am taking time right before Labor Day weekend, for Brookie's wedding (which I am IN! sweet!), so I need to try to conserve as much as possible.

I was also thinking this morning that I would never feel like I had slept well ever again. With the baby coming in May, it's probably true. Makes work really hard though. Seems like our tech lead (the position I had applied for back last summer and went to someone who was MUCH MUCH more qualified than I was) is thinking about retiring a year earlier than she thought, because her parents left her a nice inheritance that she can use to supplement her income for the year before she turns 65. So, she turns 62 in April, so she'll probably retire in 2011. Which is only two years away and frankly, it will probably be right around the time that I am ready to move up again. Although, I may get frustrated with the current job and look for something I can do part time at home, if need be.

The cat is perfectly fine again. We weighed him last week and he was 20.8 pounds, which is down a whole pound from when he had his teeth out. And you can REALLY tell the difference. A lot. He's much easier to pick up. I will probably make a habit of weighing him on the weekends, so we know where he is. Losing a whole pound in a month for a cat really is not good, but he was sick, and now we're just trying to keep the trend going. If he weighs 19 pounds by the end of the year, I think it will be a good thing. I'm really going to try hard with him now.

So...we're under a Winter Storm warning today. I didn't even know it was supposed to snow! oops! Oh well. What can you do? Jake went up to GB last night, to hang out with Josh. So, now he'll have to drive back through the snow. At least he has the good car for that sort of thing. Really test out that all wheel drive on that Saturn.

I suppose I should call him to see when he's headed out. I bet that he doesn't know that it's only going to get worse as he comes back south.

So, I have this cat...

2009-01-31T06:44:00.003-06:00

So, the cat was doing okay over last weekend and then on Sunday -- not eating, just sitting under the table looking sad. So, Monday, I go into work for a few hours and then come home, so I can sit with him and watch him and stuff. We ended up taking him back to the vet on Monday afternoon. He was feeling so poorly that he didn't put up much of a stink, even for having his temperature taken! I was shocked. The infection that was his teeth spread to systemic, so they gave us different antibiotics and more pain meds. Pain meds = good at reducing fever. New antibiotics = bad. Gel consistency and tuna flavored = Mitchell spits back out

So, I had to get regular pills, which I have a much easier time trying to force down his little throat. And it's easier on him too.

But, he has lost weight. Like I would say another pound or two at least. I keep meaning to have Jake hold him and get on the scale and then just weight himself to see where Mitchell's weight is at.

So, he has cost us another $100. Plus, my mom was nice and picked up and paid for his new pills yesterday. Which are nicely coated -- not like the sample that we got before -- WTF? Why wouldn't they just give us the same? Whatev. We're considering trying a new vet next year for shots and check ups and stuff. There's one very close to our house, so it makes sense, instead of having to drive all over freakin' town. Maybe not so expensive.

I like the doctor at the current one, she's really nice, but the drive and the expense so far has not been good. BUT, $1000.00 for not having taken in the cats for a teeth clean in years, probably isn't too terrible. I just have to keep up on them more now. Well, Boo will probably be ok for 2-3 years, but Mitchell...not so much.

In other news, I figured our taxes wrong when I was guesstimating and we don't owe money!!! YAY!!! In fact, we are getting what I would consider a nice chunk of change back. And most of it goes right on the ol' credit card. Which is a good thing.

I am currently looking like I haven't slept in days. Which isn't true. The cat woke me up at 4am! (it's time for the gate to go back up at night) But, he doesn't need me to fill his bowl -- there's already food in there. He just needs me to pretend like I'm filling his bowl and then he'll eat. GRRR!!! So, then I couldn't fall back asleep. So, I laid in bed until 5:15 and then got up. Yuck. It's almost 7 and I feel pretty destroyed.

Big plans for the weekend though. Putting together a real closet for Ryan's room and possibly cutting into the wall in the back room to make a new utility closet for the vacuum and other stuff. We'll just leave a little space for towels and stuff in the bathroom. At a later date, we'll go back and cut a new linen closet into the space that we're not using from the old utility closet (but from the other side). My parents have a dumpster from the remodel on their house (which is AMAZING!), so we can dump the garbage in there. woot!

Last Monday, my parents had no roof on their house for a day. Last weekend, we checked it out and they had a roof back on and all the new outside walls framed. It was pretty impressive. As I've said before, I lived up there almost my whole life and I barely recognized it. Well!

Last night, we went back and they have 3 (?) skylights in the upstairs, 3 windows facing south and the framing in for all the new walls upstairs. It's amazing. Their bedroom is going to be huge, they are having a good size walk-in closet, a pretty sweet bathroom, featuring toilet closet (water closet?) and a HUGE second bedroom upstairs. It's giant. The bedrooms upstairs are bigger than the downstairs. The plus side is, if they wanted, they could make one a nursery/playroom for Ryan full time. One of the old ones, downstairs, I would think. Whenever they decide to give up the ghost and sell that place, I would probably buy it. Seriously. I never minded that house, the backyard is really nice and now that it has 2 bathrooms, it's amazing.

Too bad that by the time they sell, we will have our own sweet house and wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. haha.

I should probably start comtemplating what I am going to do on my cleaning binges today. I have been nesting EARLY. I don't know if it's so much nesting as just totally be frickin' annoyed by all the crap that is everywhere in the house.

Poor, expensive kitty

2009-01-24T14:24:00.002-06:00

The cats needed their teeth cleaned. It's been a while for Mitchie and never for Boo. So, I make the appt and take them in.

I call around 2pm to find out if they did okay. And they did, the vet said. I make the appt to pick them up around 5:30pm.

We show to pay the bill. Which was $850.00. ...the hell?

Turns out, just like humans, animals can have terrible teeth too. And Mitchell is one of those cats. So, both canine teeth on the left side of his mouth are gone, plus one from the back. Plus, the 4 teeth the other vet had pulled out years before. Total of missing teeth: 7. The cats got their annual check ups, shots and stuff, plus the teeth cleaning. Boo cost us about 350.00 or so. That's okay. Mitchell was the 500.00 cat. Yikes. I'll remember this for next time. And by next time, I mean, Mitchell is going to have to have his teeth looked at every year.

Boo's teeth were fine. Coated with crud that they cleaned off, but fine.

So, they were bring the cats out to clean them up and pull off their bandages and stuff and they put Boo in her carrier -- which she HATES. HATES. So, she got pissed, which set Mitchell off and he freaked out. So, they couldn't clean him up. So, basically, they had to bring him out coated in his own gore, from the teeth that they pulled and had to leave the wound open a bit, because his teeth were SO infected. The doctor said that they were oozing pus when they went in. YUCK!!!!

Oops. I'm terrible. On the plus side, Mitchell was down a pound from the last time he was in and his bloodword was totally normal. Now, we just have to work on getting him down more. Under 21 pounds for next year. Cats shouldn't lose too much weight. I remember the summer I was gone in Shell Lake and Jake fed him for me. He lost like 2 pounds in a year or something and the doctor yelled at me for that. This is the point at which I gave up worrying about his weight. It was damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I have to give the Mitchell antibiotics for several days to clear up any remaining infection. But, since the teeth are gone, the infection will stop raging in his mouth, I'm sure.

I think the part that I feel the worst about is that his snaggletooth is gone. For those of you who have ever seen him, he used to have a tooth that hung out of his mouth all the time. That's one of the ones that got pulled out -- that was probably the worst infected tooth actually. I miss it. It gave him that "I'm a dumb kitty" look all the time. Now, he just looks normal.

Oh well. I'll get over it.

In other news, we have a pretty good plan in place for starting to pay off the ol' credit cards. I know that I write about money in the baby blog when I should be writing about baby stuff, but I can't help it.

Maybe I'll go write about finishing our registry today. Maybe.

Okay, now that the holidays are over, I'm tired of winter

2009-01-18T10:18:00.002-06:00

It can go away now. I just wanted it to come out and play for the holidays. White Christmas and all that jazz.

Taxes officially suck this year. We usually get a large chunk of money back from WI and the Fed and this year, it looks like we will owe the Fed $200 and get $900 back from WI. So, net effect is that we win, but we were thinking that it would be like LAST year, when we were sitting on 3k, plus the stimulus. And we pissed it all away on stuff, instead of paying things off and spending wisely. Well, we were having a tough time last year, I suppose. And that was a big influence too. Who wants to just pay things off when you feel cruddy?

So, I guess that we'll just have to get used to being middle class now.

Once we get all our paperwork and everything, I'll review it all to make sure I didn't miss anything, but that's really how things are looking as of today.

So, I'll file WI pretty soon and then wait for the refund to come and then file Federal and pay them. Boo.

I also have decided that I want to start making/keeping a list of things we want in the next house. Plus, I have also been thinking about staying on the West side of Tosa...maybe even in the "West" part of the school district. There's no reason to move north now. It would make Jake's drive to work an hour on the best days, I think.

So, I'm thinking that staying around Wisconsin Ave and 80's or 90's -- close to the hospital area, I think. I mean, this is a few years away, but it's okay to start planning ahead. :)

AND, if we can find a house over there AND it's in the "East" part of the district, that's okay too. :)

We'll call it Ryan's car

2009-01-08T20:10:00.002-06:00

We purchased a "new" car. A used 2005 Saturn Vue. It's pretty nice. Big windows, so you can see everything, heated seats, and lots of storage. Plus, room for a baby seat.

And much safer than the stupid Jeep. I hated that thing since the moment Jake bought it. And, oh wait! We're still paying for it, because technically, it's part of his student loans from college. Grr...

The bad part is because neither of us had bought a car before (and I didn't know that this sort of thing mattered) and had no "car credit" (because the fact that we pay a gigantic mortgage with no problems isn't the same somehow), our interest rate is through the roof. 9.35% APR. Yikes. In this market?! That's highway robbery.

Oh well. A couple years of paying it down and we'll refi to get a better rate. I hope. 9.35 is ridic.

But, I still love the car. And it's SO much safer than that Jeep was.

So, now I feel much better about life. Now, it's just a matter of making the payments. Thank goodness they are due on the 22nd of the month -- we can save up at the beginning of the month and pay everything at the end. I should probably map that out, however. My paychecks are going to go down, because I have a few more insurance type things coming out of my paychecks. Oh well. We'll survive. Just can't go out for dinner as much. Which isn't really a bad thing.

We'll take pics when it's brighter out and I'll post them. Maybe. We'll see. I'm pretty tired today, so I'm about ready for bed here at 8:30 or so. It's been a long week.

Holy Frick! It's 2009!

2009-01-03T15:36:00.002-06:00

I can't believe that it's 2009. I feel like I was just ringing in 2008 and making my goals for the year. I guess I should evaluate those goals. Let's see...I'll have to go get them.

I found them, after I re-read about our trip to Florida last year in January...I love Disney World.

Anyway, here's what I said:

Anyway, I think that I'll set some goals for myself this year (1 & 2 are kind of contradictory, but that's okay)

1. Have my first child
2. Lose 20 pounds over the course of 2008 (see? they contradict)
3. Keep running/walking
4. Pay off the tuition credit card
5. Save $1000

So, what did I accomplish:

1. This was really just bad luck. Considering I'm 22 wks right now, without an issue, I would say that we just had to have a couple of restarts. Either that or Jake and Josh cannot do ANYTHING separately. Married same year, bought house same year, having first baby, same year (hell, it's probably going to be in the same month).

2. Well, this didn't happen, for reasons relating to #1.
3. I tried. I really did. But, then I gave up.
4. YES!! I DID DO THIS!! Sacrificed #5 to do it, but my last payment for this month is $66.50 or so! WOOT!
5. I had saved $1000. Then, I decided that paying off stuff before we have the baby is more important. We'll get there eventually.

Okay, NEW GOALS FOR 2009!!!!

1. Pay credit card down under $3000
2. Lose 20 pounds (why not?)
3. Pay off remaining student loan that is not rolled up into my consolidation loan (stupid loan that I forgot about!)
4. Get rid of all the misc. shit that is cluttering up my house. Okay, I guess that could be, get more organized.
5. Save $500

We'll see. I don't really have good goals this year.

Man, that trip to Florida was amazing! I wish we were there right now. Oh well. In the future.

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-20T08:11:00.003-06:00

I finally took the time to edit my blog(s) a bit to make them a little more design-y. As it were. The thanks really have to go to Julia for pointing me in the right direction of how to do it.

I enjoy it. I'm going to edit Ryan's blog a bit more, since it's not my favorite design right now, but it was my experiment.

I'll add the couple of websites I used to find backgrounds and the instructions. And if you have more html knowledge than me (which, despite getting an A- in the stupid 4 credit class my last semester of college, I have not retained any knowledge of), then you could probably do much better.

Now what I need is a good graphic design program (like Photoshop) for my lappy. Actually, I could use a new lappy too -- maybe a slightly better Mac than the 4 (almost 5!) year old lappy I currently use to check email and hack the web. I could be doing that on my old Bondi Blue Original iMac if I wanted. That was the greatest Chritmas present EVER! (like that Lexus commerical, except I'm not getting a Lexus) Especially right before I went to college.

Jake is getting sick, mostly from working his partially sick body (as it has been all year) to the limit trying to shovel, mostly because I couldn't shovel. We really need a snowblower. Badly. It's probably time to try to find a used one from someone around these parts. We just don't have $350.00 to plunk down on the cheapest new one.

I'm not totally sure of what the exact plans for Christmas are, but I have a rough estimate of what is happening.

Dec. 23, 24: Me = off; Jake = worky work
Dec. 24th - going to my aunt and uncle's business in Brookfield to see them and my cousin, his wife and their kids with my parents for a while. Then, we'll probably come home and just hang out, open presents and such.

Dec. 25th - going to Mom and Dad's house for more presents, snack and I choice Italian food for Christmas dinner. Poultry has not been doing well with me and I figure that Dad probably doesn't want to do a terrible amount of cooking.

Dec. 26th - day off to rest and chill out; probably drive up to Luxemburg? Not sure.

Dec. 27th - Christmas with Jake's fam? Not sure the schedule for this either. Def coming home this night though.

Dec. 28th - Spending time with my other aunt and uncle and cousins at their house in Elm Grove; we usually do this every year, usually the Friday before Christmas, but this year, it's at the end, just because of the way that Christmas falls. This is usually just relaxing and hanging out. Which is good, b/c I will have to go back to work the next day (Jake too). Some day, I will have enough vacation to take off the two weeks at the end of the year.

I have to work Monday and then I am off the rest of next week. It will be AMAZING! I haven't had a vacation since July! Seriously. I wish I hadn't wasted sick time/vacation in May -- I took an extra day vacation (which I could have used for next week) and a whole sick day for no reason when Josh was down for the day. It was fun at the time, but now, when I could really use the extra time to carry over to next year, I don't have it. I just went off on a big rant there, and then I realized -- GET IT OVER!! Some women don't get jack squat. Be glad you get to take 6 weeks off with your new baby.

We have plans to Christmas shop today, but we'll see. I wanted to get out kind of early and it's 20 mins to 9 right now. I don't want to go out with all the crazies, esp. since it snowed yesterday and nobody was out.

All christmas'd up

2008-12-07T21:08:00.002-06:00

First, I would like to congratulate Josle and Liz on their engagement! I am very happy for you both! :)

Second, we have, since my last post, which was a long azz time ago, Christmas'd up the house. We have our tree, sporting several shiny ornaments, stockings are hanging from the coat rack, the top of the TV is all decorated with holiday stuff. I also have my Christmas village out on the table and a small set from my Grandma in the bay window. I have pics, but I'm too lazy to post at the moment.

Snow, snow and more snow around here. It's ridic. Seriously. The pattern that we have from the beginning of the year hasn't changed one bit. Snow squall/storm after snow whatever keeps passing over.

We did put up Christmas lights on the front porch in the freezing cold on Saturday and put them on the deck today. It was slightly less cold, since it was cloudy.

We also have a Christmas present or two purchased. I didn't want to go crazy this weekend, since we're a little bit tight on money right now. We have to wait until I get a paycheck on Thursday to really purchase gifts. Then, we have to make sure we're going to make all our payments for the month. I'm not too worried about it, but there is always that concern.

St. Nick brought Jake a new coffee grinder. He really likes it. If you use it on the counter, it sounds like a jet engine taking off.

I suppose....

2008-11-16T19:09:00.002-06:00

A post is in order.

Actually, I was reading a friend's blog and she is very crafty. In reading her blog, it reminded me of the time right before the wedding back in 2005 when I was in the FARTS compy lab working on my programs and was going to test print a few to make sure they were going to work out before I printed them at home. Okay, truth is, I was probably going to print them all in teh compy lab, but not all at once. I was really just going to test a few and be done.

I had special ordered paper -- a very cool iridescent purple -- from this craft/scrapbook place in Rice Lake that I frequented when I was working for the summer in Shell Lake. It was ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS for said paper. I got it in the summer of 2004, so I had managed to hang on to it for the whole year, unscathed.

When I got to the compy lab, I set the bundle of paper down next to the printer and was working at the computer. Some lab workers came in to tape a new sign to the printer and decided that they were going to take the whole thing of paper. I still have NO idea what happened to it, to this day, because they fucking lied about taking it!!! I even sent Jake and probably Josh over to teh main lab office to talk to the guys. And they didn't even admit taking the paper. I even went up to the campus police the next day to file a police report, because it was $125.00!! They couldn't do much, but I felt better about things. At least if the lab workers showed up with the paper, there would be a case open.

I don't know who else would have taken it. It wasn't worth anything to anyone. Maybe they didn't take it, but I never found it in any trash. Maybe I'll blame the person who called Maggie a whore on my "The Knot" website. Which I was sorry that I had to delete before I could have The Knot trace who had posted it. I have a few guesses who could have done it. Andrea did ask the main suspect, who said she hadn't done it, but she was a pathological liar, so who knows?

Up until this point, I had totally forgotten about it. Seems like a different life, you know? :)

I have so many projects that need my attention right now. I could use a month off from work. Baby cross stitching projects, crafty projects, a room that is going to have to be turned into a nursery, etc.

But, alas, work is work. As long as I don't have to work more than 40 hours this week, I'll be totally okay. But, I am really far behind with my shit at work and when I had just caught up, I got all behind again. Plus, my apathy for that place really makes it hard to be there and do stuff. I would really like to change departments, but there really isn't much that I would be good at doing yet, other than what I am doing. Once we get the new person in the mix, I think that things will be better.

Le sigh. I really need to not think about work. Maybe I'll just go work for Yakob at his Starbucks store. They have good benefits, don't they?

29 years old

2008-10-26T10:44:00.003-05:00

Not much different than 28.

However, I said that all I wanted to do is make it to my birthday and I would feel okay about things. And I did. So, officially, Jake and I are having a baby...again. No problems on that "making" part. ha ha. I'm 12 weeks along now and it's still going okay, so I feel relatively confident that things will turn okay. I do most of my writing about it on a different blog, so just check my side bar for the link, if you feel like reading about it.

So far, I have received a gift card to Joann Fabrics from Jake's mom and dad, plus a card; and a card from Jake's Grandma. Oh, plus, a picture frame from Jake -- a digital picture frame. I wasn't expecting it, so I was quite surprised, but it has really grown on me, and I love it. It's pretty sweet. And it will display baby pictures every well, when we have them. :)

I don't know that I will be getting much from my parents other than dinner. They didn't ask me if I wanted anything or not. Some years, they ask me what I want and other years, it's just dinner out.

The only bad thing about getting dinner for my birthday is that I've been pretty nauseous for the past 6 or 7 weeks, so eating is really limited. I haven't really gained any weight and my tummy is a fairly decent size at this time. I mean, I think that if you saw me, you'd just think "fatty", but me, myself can tell that it's really baby. So, I'm hoping that I won't gain a terrible amount of weight. I had pretty much to begin with. I want to be one of those women that lost 30 pounds after baby comes. But, I think that dinner will have to wait until after I am feeling better.

But, I'm not "really" 29 until 2:06 pm. So, I'll enjoy my last couple of hours of being 28. ha ha. :)

3 years is too long and too short

2008-10-16T17:26:00.002-05:00

I feel fortunate on this day that I can pretty much go see Branden whenever I want. or at least shout out a "hi" to him as we drive by. We live a mile or two away from the Cemetery.

It's amazing to me that it's been three years. I can't believe how different I feel about life compared to three years ago.

I miss you Branden. Very much.

If I could have a drink for you tonight, I would. I'll drink to you in spirit.

I heart you all.

I wish that I could slow down to remember that a little bit more.

Glad that I had the chance to go

2008-10-05T19:36:00.004-05:00

It was worth the entire $135 I had to spend on the tickets/parking pass. Even with the loss. Because they fought to the bitter end. Well, ok, not Sup. But, everyone else showed up and was a gamer.

Because, even, with a loss, I may never have a chance to say that I went to a Brewers playoff game. I mean, my dad made the most sense to me today, in that, during his life time, the Brewers were in the playoffs 3 times (including 2008, obviously). 2008 was the first time he got to go. They couldn't afford to go in 1982 (with a 2 year old and all...) and Dad was 5 or 6 in 1956 and 57.

I just wanted to stand in the stadium for as long as I could. I even had a little tear in my eye. The whole stadium cheered even at the end, when they lost. As the bullpen was walking in from center field, Torres raised his hat and then threw it in the stands. I wish more players had come out and just waved to everyone at the end. I'm sure they were too upset. They didn't want to be done, I'm sure. It's going to be a long off-season for some, I think.

So, here are a couple of things that I hope for next year:
1. Give Sveum a year at coaching. See what he can do.
2. MARK!! Open up your checkbook and pay CC! We want him back. DIDIMAO!!!!

I really wish Jake and I could splash out on a 9-pack of tickets for next year, but it's too much money. Maybe someday. When we pay off the credit card and get more financially stable. Not that we aren't now, but there's more that can be done.

I have a cold this week and it really sucks hardcore. I don't remember the last time I was sick with a cold like this. Sore throat, cough, stuffed nose. Ugh. This week is going to be LONG....I'm dreading it already.

Well, I'm going to enjoy having the cats sit with me and possibly some Cherry sugar-free Jello. If it's ready.

VOLKSWAGON....

2008-09-24T19:44:00.002-05:00

I had Arby's for dinner and I ate WAAAAAAAY too much. Sick.

I feel like throwing it all up and starting over. gross.

Nothing new in the world. Mark and Josh Lee stayed here twice on their way to/from Detroit. That was fun. Saturday, GNate came over and Yakob, whom I forget is in town now. They also stayed last night, just for the night.

Work is work is work. Always a challenge to make it to the end of the day. Its been very quiet and very boring around work. Hopefully, they will hire a new person and we can change around some of the stuff we are doing. Phyllis does SO much right now that things are not evenly divided and while she has work to do all day, none of the rest of us do. Well, okay, I don't and that sucks.

It's still for suckers.

And this concludes the weekly (or semi-weekly) waste of internet.

Longest week EVER

2008-09-12T17:34:00.002-05:00

I swear. I'm thinking that some of it might have had to do with the fact that this should have been my last week before maternity leave was going to start, but that ship sailed. So, I'm bitter.

That and dealing with stupid people. Ugh!

At least my headache from work goes away when I get home and settle down. I'll probably go get food with Jakie when he gets home and maybe go to Target.

Nothing going on this weekend. Maybe get our trim for the basement and paint that tomorrow, so if the Packer game is boring on Sunday, we can install it.

And this concludes this waste of bandwidth.

I guess it's been a bit here...

2008-08-28T17:28:00.002-05:00

The sinus thing is gone. Hooray for drugs!

However, I am convinced that the drugs mimicked the symptoms of pregnancy for a while, making me think that I was, even though there wasn't too much of a chance for that. V. weird though. I am still in the middle of my longest cycle EVER but expect it to be over soon. Then, back to trying. I think that if I'm not knocked up again and a good way into a pregnancy by the end of 2008, I'm going to put things on hold for a bit and train to run the 1/2 marathon up in EC...but, it's hard to sign up for it when you don't read the future.

I think that there's a good chance that we will be by the end of the year though, so I'm not too worried about that. I think that we've got the timing down to an art now. Plus, it really helps to do all that charting and shit that you can do to tell when the best time is to "go".

Going up to the Netherlands this weekend. Luxemburg. Should be good. My only request was to go to Hobby Lobby in Green Bay on Saturday. Other than that -- nothing else. I don't care what we do.

The printer is awesome. It inspired me to get my wedding scrap book out and actually pick out paper for the backgrounds and keep it downstairs so I can use it when I get my pictures sorted out.

We're quickly coming up on the due date of the first baby. I'm not sure if it makes me sad or not. I'm more consumed with trying again than worrying about the past. I hope. I tell myself that, but...you know. I do think sometimes that I really should be sitting here, over 8 months, with a cute little nursery to create, but that will come in time. It really will. I know it.

Oh! And I went to the new doctor -- he's really great. Older and pretty good. Knows what he's talking about, which is always good. He said that he believe that the 'heart-shaped' thing wasn't an issue, esp. since they didn't notice it during the first pregnancy in February, but did notice it in July. Made him think that it corrects itself in my case and probably shouldn't be an issue. He said that he could do thyroid testing and some other tests, just to make sure that everything is a-ok, but he also said that the second time was just a blighted ovum -- in other words, just shitty luck. However, he's much closer to home, so I feel good about that. And, they have later appts and the office was MUCH MUCH quieter. He thought that the next time, I would be just fine.

So, my thoughts are that we'll go one more time here and see what happens. If we lose it again, I think that we will probably proceed with testing me to make sure my thyroid is working right and I don't have auto-immune disorders or a clotting issue or something that could be treated and worked on.

So, let's all cross our fingers that the third time is the charm!

Pictures and other things

2008-08-19T18:08:00.002-05:00

So, we got this printer on Woot. Kodak EasyShare 5300. 45.00 plus 5.00 for shipping.

We wanted something that would print pictures easier than the one that's in the basement. And it SURE DOES! :) However, it's a refurb and the printer has problems with the printhead, so we immediately had to get a new one and now it works fine. It prints really nice pictures too. Jake is testing it.

So, I did get drugs for a sinus infection and I have felt better. My cheeks still hurt a bit from time to time, but I don't have the constant sinus headache anymore. Hooray! Thank you drugs.

I also have an appointment with the doctor that my GP recommended. It was kind of strange/funny. His assistant called and just gave me the name of the person that he recommends for high risk patients to go to. D'oh! Oh well. I kind of knew that I would be high risk, but to hear it out loud...blah. But, there was a cancellation, so I have an appt on Thursday afternoon at 3:30pm, so that's really great. I don't really know what's going to happen at it, b/c once I told the appt lady that I had been referred by Dr. Olson and that I had m/c's this year, she didn't really ask many questions, which makes me think that they knew the basic reason why I was calling.

We'll see what happens. More updates to follow. For now, off to try to stay awake until 10pm.

Make it stop...

2008-08-12T17:56:00.002-05:00

So, on Friday, while at work, I started feeling yucky. My head hurt, I felt like I had a fever, sick to my stomach...all that crap.

It was on and off Saturday, but Sunday it was back and hasn't really left.

So, now I'm worried that I have the dreaded sinus infection that doesn't seem like a sinus infection. Plus, another girl at work has a sinus infection, so I'm a little worried. I'm going to the doc Thursday AM though.

And I get to have a cavity filled tomorrow! FUN! *roll eyes*

And finally, in the world of doctors, when I was making the appt with my GP, I checked to see if they had received my records yet and they hadn't...curious.
So, I called the old place and they finally called me back after 5 hours to tell me that they never got my release form. WTF!!!! So, I asked if I could just pick everything up -- which I can do (and if they told me that, I would have just done that last week!!!), so I'm picking that up Thursday afternoon and will attempt to drop if off on my way home...we'll see. I will probably ask about making an appt for the next appt -- like when I should make one for, so I have it set up. Hooray. Maybe we can get somewhere here. I'm not waiting for #3 to happen before I get tested for stuff. Two is two too many.

The Olympics are pretty sweet. And now my sudafed has worn off (after an hour), so I will go to the place where I don't have to think anymore.

It seemed like a good idea at the time

2008-08-09T10:55:00.002-05:00

So, I just moved my grandmother's desk that I inherited in 1999. It's a "real" piece of furniture -- you know, solid wood. Well, mostly anyway. It's really heavy.

The worst part of moving it was that I have really strong legs, but am totally unable to transfer as of that force to my arms, so I have to solely use my legs to move the darn thing.

But, it's moved. Yay! And I don't have to run today! Now, I can move the glasses cabinet to where the desk was in the guest room and put the extra end table in there for the TV. I decided to move it in there, b/c it just takes up room in the living room and we could move the couches more toward the TV. But, I'm think that the end table might be too big for the room, so it might not work out that way.

I'm really happy with the guest room at the moment. It's a lot more empty -- it's a room instead of a room that the junk was going into. Having the basement really helps a lot.

I'm considering having a kind of housewarming party (finally!) around my birthday. We can really get everything to where we want it and have enough room to have more than two people over. Okay, well, maybe not that far into the future, since the deck would be unusable at that point, probably, but soon. I think.

It's been a long year.

So, yesterday, it was determined that the reason that Jake has been feeling so horrible for months on end is not depression or anxiety or a virus or whatever. He's had a sinus infection! For months! The ENT doc took about 2 seconds to figure it out. So, he's on the antibiotics and feels a TON better, b/c he knows that he's not going crazy. Now, you're probably wondering why he didn't notice he had a sinus infection, as I did. B/c it's not in his front sinuses, where it would really be noticeable and would really hurt. It's all in the back, clogging his throat and ears and making him feel yucky all the time. Crazy. I've never heard of such a thing. I, however, feel that if he didn't blow his nose so hard, it wouldn't force all that crap back into those back sinuses and ears. That's probably why this happened this way. Oh well. What can you do? At least he'll get better now! yaay!!! :)

I don't know what project will be next around the house. Maybe attempting to refinish the guest room wood floor, as a test to see if we could do the living room floor. I think that re-doing the bathroom might be next summer. I know that Jake owes Josh some help in Luxemburg with their bathroom, whenever that happens. I'm mostly handy with a paint brush. But, I want a new bathroom.

A project this winter may be fixing the back splash in the kitchen. Which would involve ripping of that crap back wall (whatever that shit is) and putting new drywall up, patching and tiling whatever we decide to tile. A trip to HOBO might be in order to look at tile again. I found some sweet tiles there that I would really like for the bathroom. So, there must be other stuff there too. I think that eventually, we will redo the kitchen floor with cooler tiles as well. We know there's a good sub floor down, so all we would need is new, nicer tiles.

My final thoughts for today are that when making blueberry pancakes, you should always ALWAYS use real fresh blueberries. No frozen. I disliked blueberry pancakes until this morning, when I made pancakes and threw in fresh blueberries for Jake. They were amazing!

Feeling inspired...

2008-08-05T21:02:00.003-05:00

So, I just added some "new friends" on f-book yesterday. Mostly kids from the neighborhood that I have known since I was 6 years old. One girl that I was friendly with in HS and was a fellow horn player. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed talking to her and hanging out with her. Also, the wife of one of those friends, whom I feel that I have a lot of stuff in common with, yet, we're completely different. I am feeling inspired by her adventures since she has moved up here. Makes me want to do lots of things. Creative, crafty things.

One of the things she did was make her own upholstered headboard for their bed. And now I want TWO! I have a guest bed downstairs and our bed upstairs that could both use one. Maybe a project for after I move all my sewing shit downstairs into the new room. Which I am thinking would be a good project for this weekend. I have some shelves I want to build to put down there -- I don't want to store all my stuff in plastic tubs anymore.

Also, I want to have a garage sale to get rid of all this extra shit we have -- which includes clothes, shoes, misc. kitchen stuff, and other random stuff that is just taking up space and frustrating me.

In the world of fertility/infertility news...

Just waiting for my records to get sent to Dr. Olson this week. They only send them once a week, so it won't be Thursday, possibly Friday until they are sent out. I'm assuming that they get mailed over to him, so it will be Monday or Tuesday before he gets them. I wish that I would have asked if I could just come out and pick them up and deliver them myself...oh well. They are my records. I still could, I suppose. Tomorrow is only Wednesday. But, I will call next Tuesday and see if he received anything from them and to ask about the next appt. with him. I have all the other info that I need. And I have a strong feeling that I've said all this already. HA! I just checked, I didn't! I want to get this show on the road. Although, we're not really "not trying", so...whatever happens, happens.

Also, I'm considering starting a separate blog about this whole journey towards having a baby. What a journey it has been so far. Perhaps I will not feel so bad having more "graphic" contact there too. I sometimes hesitate at putting the "gory" details here, as it were. If blogger had cuts OR if I knew how to use this thing better, maybe I could win at this game. Not that I want everyone to read the gory details, etc., but this is real stuff that is happening and sometimes I need to get it out in the open to move on. Plus, I'm crazy. Ask Jake.

I've got nothing else new. I wish that I would have done some sort of exercise tonight. Maybe I could go downstairs and trying to see if the Playstation is really hooked up right and play DDR. Maybe....I've lost the "baby weight" from this last PG so far, so now we're on the next 4 pounds. If I wasn't terrified of mosquito bites, I would probably go outside and run in the evening.

I love how much Ned Yost hates the media. It makes me giggle. And I really dislike Trenni on FSN.

Okay, I have to get this lappy off my legs. I'm burning up.

Feeling better about lots of things...

2008-08-01T19:24:00.002-05:00

Many things have happened since last week...I finally miscarried, which was hands-down the worst pain I have ever felt in my whole life. It was much, much worse than the last time. Jake said he came home and I was yellow, white and blue. My jaw was yellow, cause I had just thrown up, white for the same reason and pain and blue b/c I had huge bags under my eyes. I'm not sure how I made it through it all, but if Jake hadn't been there, I probably wouldn't have.

But, the blood draws are going well. On the 22nd, I was still around 5,000. But, I m/c'd on the 25th and by the 29th (this past Tues.), I was only at 178. My next draw is on Aug 12th and I would think that I will be at the "not-pregnant" state by then. woot!

But, I am manifesting my sadness about this m/c differently than last time -- this time, I can't ever stop doing stuff. It's weird. I was super busy at work, which was great, and if I sat around for an hour at home, I would get really upset. Better to just keep moving. I am trying to start running again. We went once for a short run a week and a half ago and that was hard. Then, on Tuesday, I went out at about 8pm, b/c I couldn't watch the Brewers any more. I ran for 3/4 of a mile w/o stopping. Just me and the sound of my footsteps. Oh, and the occasional car or truck. Trying to lose that weight!

I also made an appt to talk with my GP today to get an idea of where to go from here. He wanted me to get my records transferred to him (easily done), find out what kind of infertility coverage I have (it's 100% covered after the deductible is met!) in case some testing of that sort needs to be done, and find out what doctors in the area are covered (most of them). I feel much, much better about everything too. It's amazing. I almost just needed someone to tell me what to do, b/c I wasn't getting that from the other place. It was great. So, as soon as he looks at my records from the other place, he can determine where we need to go from here -- if he can treat me as is (I'm starting to think that I'm skewing towards high risk more than not) or if he needs to refer me to a high-risk OB full time. At least he can help me make a good decision. If he can be my OB/GYN as is, great! If not, at least he can help me make an informed decision about my care, instead of picking and choosing, like last time. Because that worked out oh-so-well.

I also have an appt with a doctor that a few of the women at work go to see Aug. 27th, but I may end up canceling it if stuff works out with Dr. Olson. I hope it does. It took me about 10-15 mins to get from my work to his office. Sweet.

Anyway, enough wasting of bandwidth here. Just have to spew this all out, so it's out of my brain! :)